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May 04, 2019

Greetings fellow Bizarros:

Closeout EventIn the millennia-long march of medical advancement there have been many great milestones; in the 1600s the germ theory slowly took hold, replacing the belief that diseases were caused by poisonous air, or devils, or small trolls living in peoples stomachs, anesthesia was introduced in 1841, the first artificial heart was patented in 1963, and now, in 2014, medical science has achieved the laboratory-grown vagina.

While this is certainly a bizarre story, it does have serious medical implications. Four women have had new vaginas grown in the laboratory and implanted by doctors, and in each woman's case their vagina did not form properly while they were still inside their mother's womb, a condition known as vaginal aplasia.

Doctors at Wake Forest Baptist Medical Centre in North Carolina used a tissue biopsy from the poorly developed vulvas to grow new, healthy vaginas in a bioreactor until they were suitable to be surgically implanted into the patients. I can imagine the doctor in a white smock, staring wide-eyed into the bioreactor and screaming, "It's alive! It's alive!"

Was it worth having a laboratory-grown Franken-gina surgically implanted between their legs? All women reported normal levels of "desire, arousal, lubrication, orgasm, satisfaction" and painless intercourse. "Truly I feel very fortunate because I have a normal life, completely normal," one of the patients said. So I guess it was.


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When the Mood Strikes

A Florida couple are facing criminal charges after they were caught having sex on the sidewalk outside police headquarters in Key West, according to an arrest report. Police say that Gary Hill and Crystal Frances had shared a pint of vodka before they began trysting in public. Cops learned about the coupling around 9 PM from a female passerby who reported that a duo was poised to have sex in front of headquarters. When a patrolman went outside to investigate, he spotted the 46-year-old Hill with his pants down having sex with Frances (who was not wearing pants or underwear). The couple, lying down on the sidewalk, was "actively engaging in sexual intercourse," police charge. "I'm horny," Hill explained when confronted by the officer. "She was giving it up to me right then and there." Hill would also chalk up the illicit encounter as "a Key West moment." Hill was arrested for indecent exposure. Frances was not arrested since she was severely intoxicated and was taken to a hospital for treatment.


A pair of Florida teens who were swept out to sea by a strong current said they were praying for help when their rescue came in the form of a boat called "The Amen." Tyler Smith and Heather Brown, both 17, said they decided to go swimming in Vilano Beach for senior skip day, but a strong current left them stranded about 2 miles off the coastline for about two hours. The pair said they started to pray for help. "While I was laying on my back, the best I could, floating, I just called out, 'God, please don't let this be the end. I still want to see my family ... send someone to save us,'" Smith reported. Crew members on a boat sailing from South Florida to New Jersey heard the teens' calls for help and headed toward the voices. The teens said they were shocked when they saw the name of the vessel: 'The Amen.' "The first words that came out of my mouth were, 'God is real,'" Brown said. The crew took the teens, who were exhausted but not injured, back to shore.

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If that sky diver isn't careful, he won't have a leg to stand on. -Scott

What about "to protect and to serve" as it says on the police cars? If they're not obligated to protect us that what does that saying mean?
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