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May 03, 2019

Good morning crew,

New GadgetsCircumstances may have finally combined in my favor. I have a free weekend, it is going to be a mild 61 or 62 degrees and sunny, and I actually have a few bucks in my pocket. It seems like the perfect opportunity to test my skills at smoking.

The method is hundreds of years old. If a bunch of uneducated settlers could do it, I think I can pull it off. The only trick is I have to use my regular grill and it is not designed for smoking. I have to figure out how to create a low, indirect heat in a single cooking chamber. I'm thinking maybe a simple system of baffles inside the grill using some pieces of tin.

Or I could just stack the coals on one side and lay the meat on the other. I'll figure it out tomorrow morning.

I was out picking up some supplies at the home improvement store last night and I saw a very nice smoker with a separate fire box for under $150. Who knows. If this little experiment turns out successful I just might have to invest in one. All I have to do is not poison myself or the wife tomorrow.

Wish me luck.

Laugh it up,


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"In Philadelphia, police are looking for a man who robbed a Dunkin' Donuts, and was caught on a surveillance camera doing some stretches in the parking lot just beforehand. Police are on the lookout for the only health-conscious person to ever enter a Dunkin' Donuts." -Conan O'Brien


"United Airlines is investigating a report that a giant rabbit died on a flight from London to Chicago. He was survived by his wife and 167 children." -Seth Meyers


"According to a new study, 88 percent of Facebook users have admitted to spending some time looking at their exs profile. While the other 12 percent have admitted to spending ALL of their time looking at their ex's profile." -Jimmy Fallon

What the Doctor says and what he really means

Doctor: "This should be taken care of right away."

Translation: I'd planned a trip to Hawaii next month, but this is so easy and profitable that I want to fix it before it cures itself.

Doctor: "Let me check your medical history."

Translation: I want to see if you've paid your last bill before spending any more time with you."

Doctor: "We have some good news and some bad news."

Translation: The good news is, I'm going to buy that new BMW. The bad news is, you're going to pay for it.

Doctor: "Let me schedule you for some tests."

Translation: I have a forty percent interest in the lab.

Doctor: "I'd like to prescribe a new drug."

Translation: I'm writing a paper and would like to use you for a guinea pig.

Doctor: "If it doesn't clear up in a week, give me a call."

Translation: I don't know what it is. Maybe it will go away by itself.

Doctor: "I'd like to run some more tests."

Translation: I can't figure out what's wrong. Maybe the kid in the lab can solve it.

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Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes

"Did you give the prisoner the third degree?" the police captain asked the detective.

"Yeah, we browbeat him pretty good," nodded the other. "Asked him every question and made every threat we could think of."

"And did you get a confession?" asked the sergeant.

"Not exactly," explained the officer. "All he'd say was, 'Yes dear,' and dozed off."