Subscribe to CLEAN LAFFS
 
Subscibe to DEAL OF THE DAY
 


May 01, 2019

Good morning crew,

I just had a birthday recently (that's why the wife bought me the dartboard). I am an unapologetic #%-years-old. It seems like only yesterday I was &# years.

Anyway, I came across a video of Zack (one of our videographers) and I doing a product video from about four years ago. We were doing a product called the 900 Lumen Utility Light, or 'Do Everything Light' as it's called on the site.

A great little product. It is a 60 SMD (that's a kind of LED) worklight that you can stand up, or hang, or attach to metal surfaces with a magnet, or use like a flashlight. It cranks out 900 lumens, which is really pretty bright, but it will fit in your pocket.

We usually don't carry a product for that long, but this particular utility light has been so popular there has never been a reason to get rid of it. The other nice, little benefit is that I get to reminice about how I looked in my younger, wilder days.

So if you'd like to see ol' Joe as a young buck, or you're interested in the Utility Light, just click here.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

P.S. Did you miss an issue? You can read every issue from the Gophercentral library of newsletters on our exhaustive archives page. Thousands of issues, all of your favorite publications in chronological order. You can read AND comment. Just click GopherArchives


Rid your lawn or garden of pesky rodents once and for all with our BEST-SELLING Solar Powered Gopher Chaser


"American Airlines is under fire after one of its flight attendants allegedly yanked a stroller away from a mother with a baby. Passengers were outraged that the attendant took the stroller and not the baby." -Conan O'Brien

***

"A major food company has recalled two types of frozen hash browns because the potatoes may contain pieces of golf balls. Doctors say if you've already ingested pieces of golf balls, the best thing is to just let them play through." -James Corden

***

"A New Jersey restaurant has begun selling a massive taco-covered pizza for $75. 'Seems a little steep,' said a customer who was looking at the three steps in front of the restaurant." -Seth Meyers

***

10 Step Guide to Being Handy Around the House

Top Sellers1. If you can't find a screwdriver, use a knife. If you break off the tip, it's an improved screwdriver.

2. Try to work alone. An audience is rarely any help.

3. Despite what you may have been told by your mother, praying and cursing are both helpful in home repair... but only if you are working alone.

4. Work in the kitchen whenever you can... many fine tools are there, its warm and dry, and you are close to the refrigerator.

5. If it's electronic, get a new one.

6. Keep it simple: Get a new battery; replace the bulb or fuse; see if the tank is empty; try turning it to the "on" switch; or just paint over it.

7. Always take credit for miracles. If you dropped the alarm clock while taking it apart and it suddenly starts working, you have fixed it.

8. Regardless of what people say, kicking, pounding, and throwing sometimes DOES help.

9. If something looks level, it is level.

10. Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, then it isn't stupid.

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes

A man sees a job ad posted on a construction site, "Handy man wanted; apply within."

So he does and speaks to the foreman.

"Can you drive a Bobcat?" the foreman asks.

"No."

"Can you plaster?"

"No."

"Have you ever done any carpentry?"

"No."

"If you don't mind me asking," says the foreman, "what's so handy about you?"

"Well, I only live about five minutes down the road..."