Subscibe to DEAL OF THE DAY

May 01, 2019

Good Morning Groanies,

I got a haircut over the weekend and I think I look pretty good. I figured with the weather getting nicer, more sunshine, and much more time devoted to outdoor activities a haircut would be a welcomed undertaking. According to Sean, my 3 going on 43 year-old, this was not the case.

After returning home from the scissorsmithe Sean stopped in his tracks and began to examine me and my new hairdo. Within a minute or two he had completed his analysis and informed me of the consensus.

Sean stated, "Wow, Daddy! You got a really big head. But it's not as big as your big butt."

Thanks, buddy! Maybe you can pick me out a nice hat or giant pants for Father's Day.

Groaningly yours,

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*-- Was He Dead? --*

In a murder trial, the defense attorney was cross-examining the coroner.

Attorney: Before you signed the death certificate, had you taken the pulse?

Coroner: No.

Attorney: Did you listen to the heart?

Coroner: No.

Attorney: Did you check for breathing?

Coroner: No.

Attorney: So, when you signed the death certificate, you weren't sure the man was dead, were you?

Coroner: Well, let me put it this way. The man's brain was sitting in a jar on my desk. But I guess it's possible he could be out there practicing law somewhere.

*-- Think About It --*

I am reading a most interesting book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.

*-- Q and A Quickies --*

Top SellersQ: Did you hear about the robbery in the laundry room?

A: Two clothespins held up a pair of pants.

Q: What was the reporter doing at the ice cream shop?

A: He was getting the latest scoop.

Q: What do you get when you cross a lobster with a baseball player?

A: A pinch hitter.