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April 26, 2019

Good morning crew,

It looks like we might get a little freezing rain or even snow sometime this weekend. Typical Chicago spring weather.

I guess I won't be spending ten hours in the backyard smoking a brisket. Of course, that doesn't mean I can't still drink the case of beer.

By the way, don't miss out on the Stone Grill Brush by Corona I advertised in the last issue.

If you're going to be doing any grilling this summer you'll be glad you got one.

Laugh it up,


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"Scientists are now claiming that every hour spent running increases your lifespan by seven hours. In other words, a majority of Americans died three years ago." -Conan O'Brien


"A high school boy in Georgia got the local police to help him stage a drug bust in order to ask a girl to prom. The police say they loved helping the two with the prom-posal, and look forward to seeing them together on prom night when they arrest them for underage drinking." -James Corden


"A 120-pound Texas woman set a new competitive eating record yesterday after she ate three 72-ounce steaks, three baked potatoes, three shrimp cocktails, three salads, and three dinner rolls in 20 minutes. Or as they call it in Texas, a kids meal." -Seth Meyers


Closeout EventManning the computer help desk for the local school district was my first job. And though I was just an intern, I took the job very seriously. But not every caller took me seriously.

"Can I talk to a real person?" a caller asked.

"I am real," I said.

"Oh, I'm sorry," the caller said. "That was rude of me. What I meant to say was, could I talk to someone who actually knows something?"

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes

As I serviced an alarm system at a jewelry store recently, the saleswoman let me know that the store was having a 20 percent off sale.

"I bet your girlfriend would love it if you bought her something." she suggested.

"I don't have a girlfriend," I answered.

"No girlfriend? Why not?"

"My wife won't let me."