April 22, 2019
Good morning crew,
Saturday evening at her egg coloring party, the wife really put a lot of effort into decorate her dozen hard boiled eggs. That was going to be her contribution to the big Easter brunch at her parents' house and she wanted to make a good impression.
When I got home later that night the wife showed me what she had done. She had every color in the rainbow and all of the eggs were decorated with decals and glitter and treated with some sort of varnish that made them look all glossy. She put a lot of work into the project. It was almost a shame to eat them.
Early Sunday afternoon we got cleaned up and packed up and headed out the door in anticipation of a feast. We didn't have much of a breakfast, so when we got close to the house I commented, "I am really looking forward to a big plate of ham and eggs, I'll tell you what!"
Suddenly the wife exclaimed, "[CENSORED]!"
"What's wrong?" I asked.
She just shook her head, "I forgot the eggs at home."
Laugh it up,
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"A Vatican cardinal said Jesus was the original tweeter. I don't know how popular he was. He only had 12 followers." -Conan O'Brien
"A company in California has started selling a new cologne that smells like whiskey. I think my dad's been wearing that cologne for 40 years." -Jimmy Fallon
"A new study shows that young adults suffering from insomnia are at higher risk of a stroke. So, that information should help you finally get some sleep." -Seth Meyers
"Are you all right?" my seatmate on the plane asked, after noticing tears roll down my cheeks.
"I'm flying my husband's ashes home for burial," I explained, "and it just struck me that this will be our last trip together."
"I know how you feel," she said. "I had my horse for 20 years and just put him to sleep last week."
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Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes
A Sunday School teacher of preschoolers told her students that she wanted each of them to have learned one fact about Jesus by the next Sunday.
The following week she asked each child in turn what they had learned.
Susie said, "He was born in a manger."
Bobby said, "He threw the money changers out of the temple."
Little Johnny said, "He has a red pickup truck but he doesn't know how to drive it."
Curious, the teacher asked, "And where did you learn that, Johnny?"
"From my Daddy," said Johnny. "Yesterday we were driving down the highway, and this red pickup truck pulled out in front of us and Daddy yelled at him, 'Jesus Christ! Why don't you learn how to drive?'"