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April 19, 2019

Good morning crew,

Closeout EventI asked the wife if she invited her parents over to the house for Easter brunch like she did last year. She said she did, but they declined. Maybe it was my cooking. So we are going to join them at their house on Sunday.

In preparation for the big day the wife has invited her girlfriends over to our place Saturday evening for an Easter egg coloring and wine swilling party. I guess it's a nostalgia thing. It makes them feel like they're 10-years-old again. Coloring eggs, that is. Not swilling wine. So by Sunday morning we should be armed with a good dozen brightly colored hard boiled eggs to share. Although after a few bottles of wine I'm curious to see what kind of designs the girls come up with.

As much as I enjoy spending time with drunk women, I think I will absent myself from this one. I don't want to stifle their creativity with my presence. Plus, how much trouble could they get into coloring Easter eggs? I guess I'll be forced to go hang out at the local bars and drink beer for four or five hours.

Well, if I gotta, I gotta.

Laugh it up,


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"Today is the beginning of the Jewish holiday of Passover, where families gather for a meal and recall a story of ancient grievances. Or as that's known in my family, 'Thanksgiving.'" -Conan O'Brien


"A new study suggests that marriage is more beneficial for men than women. The results of the study were shouted at me through a locked bedroom door." -Seth Meyers


"A man in Oregon was arrested for growing marijuana after police used Google Earth to track him down. So if you're one of those crazy conspiracy theorists who thinks the government is watching you with satellites from space, you were right." -Jimmy Fallon

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As I Mature...

I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.

I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people just aren't worth it.

I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.

I've learned that you can keep vomiting, long after you think you're finished.

I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.

I've learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades, and there had better be a lot of money to take its place!

I've learned that 99% of the time when something isn't working in your house, one of your kids did it.

I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon, and all the less important ones just never go away.

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes

The pastor of a Baptist church had called all of the little children to the front of the church, dressed in their cute Easter outfits and had them sit around him.

He said, "Today is Easter and you all look so handsome and beautiful. Today we're going to talk about the resurrection. Does anyone know what the resurrection is?"

One little boy raised his hand, and the pastor said, "Please tell us what the resurrection is."

The boy, proud that he knew the answer, said in a clear loud voice, "When you get one lasting more than four hours, you gotta call a doctor!"