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April 18, 2019

Greetings Laff Lovers,

Sale 99centIt ain't easy getting old. Older, anyway. Things start to hurt for no reason. You start gaining weight no matter what you do. You understand less and less pop culture every year (actually, that's more of a benefit, really). And you start to find that everybody is always wrong. At least it's been that way for me the last few years.

But there are some benefits, too. Your experience gives you a confidence that the young punks who have no idea what they're doing don't have. You know what you like and you like what you know, but you also know that trying new things won't kill you. And you're capable of taking care of yourself.

And believe it or not, sex actually improves! When you get around to having it.

But some people of a certain age are stuck on the bad things and don't know how to embrace the good stuff. So we have come up with a way to help them celebrate and get the most out of their mature years.

The Third Age newsletter is for people in their 40's, 50's and beyond. Being in our third age means FREEDOM! We've experienced much and now have the poise to celebrate our age. This weekly newsletter will share everything from health and lifestyle tips to personal stories and more... all with the theme, Embrace Your Age.

It's going to start publishing soon, so bounce over to www.gophercentral.com and subscribe now. It's at the very top of the page. All you have to do is click it and enter your email address at the bottom of the page and you'll get the very first issue when it mails.

Maturely,

TZ

Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in your family at this link: tz@gophercentral.com

P.S. Did you miss an issue? You can read every issue from the Gophercentral library of newsletters on our exhaustive archives page. Thousands of issues, all of your favorite publications in chronological order. You can read AND comment. Just click GopherArchives


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I've always wondered what it would be like to star in my own zombie movie, so I went down to my local old peoples home, stole all the wheel chairs and walking aids, then set the fire alarm off and waited outside with a shovel and a cricket bat.



Two elderly ladies are sitting on the front porch, doing nothing. One old lady turns to the other and asks, "Do you still get horny?"

The other replies, "Oh sure I do."

The first old lady asks, "What do you do about it?"

The second old lady replies, "I suck a lifesaver to take my mind off it."

After a few moments, the first old lady asks, "Who drives you to the beach?"


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Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary! The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads: 'Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever'."

"Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads: 'Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last'."



A couple had been married for 50 years and had raised a brood of 10 children and was blessed with 20 grandchildren. When asked the secret for staying together all that time, the wife replies, "Many years ago we made a promise to each other: the first one to pack up and leave has to take all the kids."