April 17, 2019
Good morning crew,
Have you reached 'that age'? Has the bathrobe become a central feature of your wardrobe? Do you read food packaging labels? For the fiber content? Have you started referring to anybody under 30 as 'kid'? Then you might have reached that age.
But it's not all bad. People of 'that age' know who they are, have confidence in their accomplishments and aren't afraid to do what they want. And we have come up with a way to help them celebrate and get the most out of their mature years.
The Third Age
newsletter is for people in their 40's, 50's and beyond. Being in our third age means FREEDOM! We've experienced much and now have the poise to celebrate our age. This weekly newsletter will share everything from health and lifestyle tips to personal stories and more... all with the theme, Embrace Your Age.
It's going to start publishing soon, so bounce over to www.gophercentral.com
and subscribe now. It's at the very top of the page. All you have to do is click it and enter your email address at the bottom of the page and you'll get the very first issue when it mails.
See you there!
Laugh it up,
P.S. Did you miss an issue? You can read every issue from the Gophercentral library of newsletters on our exhaustive archives page. Thousands of issues, all of your favorite publications in chronological order. You can read AND comment. Just click GopherArchives
Turn Your Backyard into a Tropical Paradise! Get the Solar-Powered Torches Before They're Gone
"A package of salad mix that was sold in a Florida Walmart was found to contain a dead bat. This is shocking news - someone shopping at Walmart bought a salad." -Conan O'Brien
"According to a new report, Amazon is now worth twice as much as Walmart. In response, Walmart announced that they're planning to open a second checkout lane." -Seth Meyers
"There is a new trend in U.K. corporate policy where employees are being given paid time off so that they can acclimate a new pet to their home. They're calling it 'pawternity' leave. Paid time off for pets should not be a thing. Here is how that discussion should go: 'Excuse me, boss, I want to get a new dog, but I need a week off to bond with the animal.' And your boss goes, 'Oh, OK, cool. You're fired.'" -James Corden
"The thrill is gone from my marriage," one buddy told another.
"Why not add some intrigue to your life and have an affair?"
"But what if my wife finds out?"
"Heck, this is a new age we live in. Go ahead and tell her about it!"
So the guy went home and said, "Dear, I think an affair will bring us closer together."
"Forget it," said his wife. "I've tried that so many times and it never worked."
Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes
A seven-year-old boy is sitting at the dinner table with his parents. Suddenly he announces, "Me and Janie next door are gonna get married!"
"Oh?" says the mother, amused. "And how old is Janie?"
"Six," replies the boy.
"Well," says the father, "what are you going to do for money?"
"I get 5 dollars a week allowance," says the son, "and Janie gets 2. We figured that if we put them together, we'll be okay."
"I see," says the father. "But what are you going to do if you have any children?"
"Well," says the boy, "so far we've been lucky."