April 15, 2019

Good morning crew,

We had quite a little blizzard here in the Chicagoland area yesterday. A good four or five inches of snow, which is a lot for the second week in April. But since the weather is supposed to warm up appreciably over the next couple of days I didn't bother to do much shoveling. I cleared a path to the garage and that was about it.

But both the wife and I were a little concerned for our poor, little, resident duck. She showed up a couple weeks ago and made a nest in the same bush that we had a duck nesting in last spring, which makes us think it is the same duck. Our tiny, little fenced in yard can't be that popular.

You can read about that here if you like.

Anyway, the wife came in from letting the dog out in the morning to announce that the poor, little roaster was covered in a thin layer of snow. The wife was sure it was going to freeze to death, or at least her eggs were. I assured her that ducks live outside all year 'round and were perfectly adapted to deal with a little snow.

But as I sat in my bathrobe and slippers, sipping on a piping hot cup of coffee and staring at the steady snowfall, I began to feel guilty. Eventually my conscience forced me to go out and dig through the garage for my old, folding card table. I figured it would just about fit over the entire bush and at least give the duck a bit of shelter.

It worked, but our tenant did not appreciate being disturbed. As I was standing over the bush the stupid bird tried to bite me.

By the way, today is 'Tax Day' in case your forgot. You have less than 12 hours to get those returns to the post office!

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

P.S. Did you miss an issue? You can read every issue from the Gophercentral library of newsletters on our exhaustive archives page. Thousands of issues, all of your favorite publications in chronological order. You can read AND comment. Just click GopherArchives

"A controversial 1,200-year-old document has been found that shows evidence that Jesus was married. I don't believe it. What married guy gets to spend all his free time with his 12 buddies?" -Conan O'Brien

***
"The Cleveland Zoo announced today that its rare black rhinoceros is pregnant. They made the announcement right after she confirmed it with her rhino-cologist." -Seth Meyers

***
"Chipotle is considering opening a new restaurant that specializes in hamburgers. After what their burritos did, Chipotle now wants to ruin a new set of buns." -Jimmy Fallon

A little boy was waiting for his mother. As he waited, he was approached by a man who asked, "Son, can you tell me where the Post Office is?"

The little boy replied, "Sure! Just go straight down this street two blocks and turn to your right."

The man thanked the boy kindly and said, "I'm the new pastor in town. I'd like you to come to church on Sunday. I'll show you how to get to Heaven."

The little boy replied with a laugh; "You're kidding me, right? You don't even know the way to the Post Office."

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes

Things I never learned in high school:

1. What taxes are.
2. How to do taxes.
3. How to vote.
4. Anything to do with banking.
5. How to buy a car or a house.

But I'm so glad I know the Pythagorean Theorem!