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April 14, 2019

Greetings Laff Lovers,

Gadgets2I just happened to notice today is Palm Sunday, which is a little ironic since my wife is out of the house all day today and I have absolutely no plans, so for me today is literally palm Sunday.

I'm thinking the Johnson's Moisturizing Baby Lotion with Coconut Oil and a selection of slutty housewives, MILFS, and plumpers rounded off with some barely legal Asian nymphomaniacs. That should just about do it.

You might think my Sunday plans are a little blasphemous, but I am anticipating a deeply religious experience.



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"This is some advice for the older men that have let standards slip. It is never acceptable to answer the phone when love-making, even if you hilariously pick up by saying, 'I can't talk right now I'm going into a tunnel.'" -Jimmy Carr

An Indian brave asks a young Indian maid for sex in exchange for a bushel of corn.

She says, "No, $5."

He says, "How about two bushels of corn?"

She says, "Okay," and disrobes and lies on her stomach.

He says, "What's this?"

She says, "Front hole, money hole; back hole, corn hole."

"If you ever read about sex on the Internet you'll see myths. Stuff that just isn't true; the best lubricant for anal sex is not's blood." -Jimmy Carr

You know you've always wanted an air compressor. Who doesn't? Now you can get an air compressor, emergency jump starter and generator all-in-one with the Schumacher Portable Power Station.

No car trunk or garage should be without one.

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A fellow tees off, and slices terribly. He sees the ball fly past a stand of trees and then hears a shriek. He runs over and finds a woman knocked out cold.

The man runs back to the clubhouse and shouts, "Is there a doctor here?"

"I'm a doctor," another man says, rising. "What's the trouble?"

"I just hit a woman with a golf ball out there and she's unconscious!"

"Well where did you hit her?" the doctor asks.

"Between the first and second holes."

"Oh my," the doctor says, shaking his head. "That doesn't leave much room for stitches!"