April 08, 2019
Good Morning Groanies,
I'm gonna start getting more classy. To achieve this extraordinary feat I think I'm going to start wearing a cape. That's the ticket! I think a cape would be a good look for me.
Oh, maybe I'll wear a monocle to compliment the cape. They go together like 8 shots of Wild Turkey and waking up in a crate in truck headed for Mexico. That would be cool.
Wait! I'll sport a cummerbund... just because. Cummerbunds are classy. Like that guy that plays Sherlock on the BBC. I can be classy like him...
(The following was the type of conversation that I would have with myself whenever I'm riding in an elevator or find myself stuck in an airplane bathroom.)
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Jokes? Comments? Questions? Email Steve
*-- A Joke That Doesn't Deliver --*
Bob: Want to hear a joke about the letter with no stamp?
Bob: Oh, never mind. You'd never get it!
*-- That's Irony For Ya! --*
I bet I could quit gambling.
What if there were no hypothetical situations?
It's not my fault I don't take responsibility for my actions.
As I said before, I'll only say this once.
This statement is false.
Don't you hate rhetorical questions?
God, I want patience, and I WANT IT NOW!
Sorry, I forgot all about the Amnesia Conference!
The creation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance.
I can resist everything except temptation.
I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.
Never believe generalizations.
Avoid alliterations always.
I used to be schizophrenic, but we're OK now.
Thank God I'm an atheist.
Just say NO to negativity.
*-- Q and A Quickies --*
Q: What's the difference between Big Foot and an intelligent man?
A: Big Foot's been spotted several times.
Q: What do you get when you cross a snake and a kangaroo?
A: A jump rope!
Q: Which runs faster, hot or cold water?
A: Hot, because you can catch cold.