Subscibe to DEAL OF THE DAY

April 08, 2019

Good Morning Groanies,

I'm gonna start getting more classy. To achieve this extraordinary feat I think I'm going to start wearing a cape. That's the ticket! I think a cape would be a good look for me.

Oh, maybe I'll wear a monocle to compliment the cape. They go together like 8 shots of Wild Turkey and waking up in a crate in truck headed for Mexico. That would be cool.

Wait! I'll sport a cummerbund... just because. Cummerbunds are classy. Like that guy that plays Sherlock on the BBC. I can be classy like him...

(The following was the type of conversation that I would have with myself whenever I'm riding in an elevator or find myself stuck in an airplane bathroom.)

Groaningly yours,

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Jokes? Comments? Questions? Email Steve

*-- A Joke That Doesn't Deliver --*

Bob: Want to hear a joke about the letter with no stamp?

Frank: Sure.

Bob: Oh, never mind. You'd never get it!

*-- That's Irony For Ya! --*

Sale 99centI bet I could quit gambling.

What if there were no hypothetical situations?

It's not my fault I don't take responsibility for my actions.

As I said before, I'll only say this once.

This statement is false.

Don't you hate rhetorical questions?

God, I want patience, and I WANT IT NOW!

Sorry, I forgot all about the Amnesia Conference!

The creation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance.

I can resist everything except temptation.

I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.

Never believe generalizations.

Avoid alliterations always.

I used to be schizophrenic, but we're OK now.

Thank God I'm an atheist.

Just say NO to negativity.

*-- Q and A Quickies --*

Q: What's the difference between Big Foot and an intelligent man?

A: Big Foot's been spotted several times.

Q: What do you get when you cross a snake and a kangaroo?

A: A jump rope!

Q: Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

A: Hot, because you can catch cold.