Subscribe to CLEAN LAFFS
 
Subscibe to DEAL OF THE DAY
 


April 03, 2019

Good morning crew,

The master at the taekwondo school is on vacation this week, so in addition to the kid's classes in the afternoon I have been filling in teaching the teenage and adult classes later in the evening. That means about 14 hour days for me (including travel time). That may make for a brutal week this week, but next week I'll be seeing tens of extra dollars.

I knew spending 20 years in the martial arts would eventually pay off.

By the way, if you missed my note in Monday's issue about the self-cleaning lint brush called the Fur Wizard, you can read about it by clicking here. It's a household essential!

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

P.S. Did you miss an issue? You can read every issue from the Gophercentral library of newsletters on our exhaustive archives page. Thousands of issues, all of your favorite publications in chronological order. You can read AND comment. Just click GopherArchives





"Industry experts are speculating that Chipotle could be planning to add breakfast options. Of course, Chipotle already has a breakfast option. It's the half a burrito you woke up next to." -Seth Meyers

***

"A school in Tennessee is facing criticism for separating students with bad grades from students with good grades at lunch. That's crazy! You don't use grades to separate kids. Everyone knows that kids should be separated by clothes, looks, and how much money their parents make." -Jimmy Fallon

***

"Psychologists now believe that adulthood begins at 25, not 18. They also believe that middle age begins the first time you eat at a Denny's while sober." -Conan O'Brien

***


Gadgets2I'm not the easiest guy in the world to get along with. So when our anniversary rolled around, I wanted my wife to know how much I appreciated her tolerating me for the past 20 years. I ordered flowers and told the florist to enclose a card that read, 'Thanks for putting up with me so long.'

When my wife got the delivery, she called me at work.

"Just where do you think you're going?" she asked.

"What do you mean?" I said.

She read the card aloud as the florist had written it: "Thanks for putting up with me. So long."

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes

I came home one night and my wife was crying.
I said, "what's wrong?"
She said, "I'm home sick."
I said, "But, this IS your home."
"I know," she replied, "and I'm sick of it!"