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April 01, 2019

Good morning crew,

That poor, little Dog-Puss. The wife just gave Mini her spring grooming and she looks like a whole new dog. Instead of a dirty, white mop the wife shaved her down to a lean, stream-lined squirrel hunter.

Ok, maybe not lean, but definitely a lot thinner than I thought she was. All winter I thought I was over-feeding the poor, little girl while it turns out she was just carrying around a couple extra pounds of hair.

But Mini does NOT appreciate being trimmed. She takes it personally. I swear to God she sulked for two days. But some leftover steak and mashed potatoes finally brought her back around.

Another thing a good grooming helps with is the shedding. Mini's not much of a shedder, but when her hair is longer it really shows up. And if you have any pets you know what I'm talking about. That's why it is absolutely essential to have a good lint brush on hand like the Fur Wizard.

Basically, this is a self-cleaning lint brush. The Fur Wizard combines the effectiveness of a standard lint brush with the convenience of a self-cleaning base. The base consists of micro-bristles which cleans the brush for repeat uses. So all you do is slip the brush in and out of the base and it's clean and ready to go again.

Furniture, clothes, drapes, comforters, the Fur Wizard eliminates not only pet hair but lint, dust, and other debris quick and easy. Once you get one of these you'll wonder how you ever lived without it.

Click here for quick video or to order yours.

Laugh it up,


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"Researchers say much of Florida could be underwater by the end of the century. On the bright side, they say it could happen much sooner." -Conan O'Brien


"It's the first day of spring, so congratulations to the people of Nebraska, who survived winter. Now all you've got to do is get through severe thunderstorm and tornado season." -James Corden


"The U.S. Surgeon General released a statement this week that said more Americans should start going on walks. Then to everyone's surprise, he added, 'Even if you're just going out to have a smoke. Just stand up for once.'" -Jimmy Fallon


Flashlight DeptParaprosdokians (Winston Churchill loved them) are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected, frequently humorous.

1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.
3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
5. We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.
6. War does not determine who is right--only who is left.
7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
8. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
9. I didn't say it was your fault; I said I was blaming you.
10. In filling out an application, where it says, 'In case of emergency, Notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.'
11. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut and still think they are sexy.
12. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
13. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.
14. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
15. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
16. You're never too old to learn something stupid.
17. I'm supposed to respect my elders, but it's getting harder and harder for me to find one now.

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes

At the company water cooler, I bragged about my children's world travels: one son was teaching in Bolivia, another was working in southern Italy, and my daughter was completing a year-long research project in India.

One co-worker's quip, however, stopped me short. "What is it about you," he asked, "that makes your kids want to get so far away from you?"