Subscibe to DEAL OF THE DAY

April 01, 2019

Good Morning Groanies,

Today...I have a BIG announcement! Stacy is pregnant...with twins! April Fools!

No, the actually announcment is that... I won two million dollars playing the lottery! April Fools!

Now, for the really real's April! And it's above freezing outside! Yay!!! Oh, and I'm currently wearing ladies underwear and, much like a Big Mac, "I'm loving it!"

Welcome to April. Have a great day!

Groaningly yours,

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Jokes? Comments? Questions? Email Steve

*-- You Lie, You Die --*

There once was a magic mirror which would kill you if you lied to it.

One day a brunette was doing her makeup and said to herself, "I think I'm the smartest woman ever!" She immediately dropped dead.

The next day a redhead was doing her hair and said to herself, "I think I'm the prettiest woman alive!" She immediately dropped dead.

Finally, the following day, a blond was flossing her teeth. She stopped and said to herself, "I think..." and dropped dead.

*-- What's In The Box? --*

Flashlight DeptThe drunk was floundering down the alley carrying a box with holes on the side. He bumped into a friend who asked, "What do you have in there, pal?"

"A mongoose."

"What for?"

"Well, you know how drunk I can get. When I get drunk I see snakes, and I'm scared to death of snakes. That's why I got this mongoose, for protection."

"But," the friend said, "you idiot! Those are imaginary snakes."

"That's okay," said the drunk, showing his friend the interior of the box, "So is the mongoose."

*-- Q and A Quickies --*

Q: What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook?

A: Wet feet!

Q: What has 40 feet and sings?

A: A choir!

Q: How do clams call their friends?

A: On their shell phones!