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March 27, 2019

Good morning crew,

100 Shopping SpreeThe health club I go to has 2 floors. The ground floor is occupied by the free weights, the weight machines, the racquetball courts, the basketball court, the pool and the locker rooms.

The second floor is occupied by the stationary bikes, the treadmills, the steppers, and the ellipticals. There is a big, two-flight staircase right in the middle of the gym that goes up to the second floor with a landing overlooking the weightroom so you can watch the muscle-heads curling manhole covers and bench-pressing truck axles.

Behind the stairs there is also an elevator. I assume they use it to move machines up and down when they need to be replaced, but I have also seen the cleaning people bring their vacuum cleaners and other equipment up and down in it.

I was there just the other day, heading up the stairs to put in 20 minutes on the treadmill, when I saw a young woman in workout clothes getting on the elevator.

I didn't think anything of it until I saw her get off on the second floor. She walked over to a stair-stepper, climbed on and began working out!

My question is; what is the logic? Is it some kind of female thinking that I don't understand? Why take the time to stand and wait for an elevator, in order to avoid climbing 20 stairs, so you can get on a stair-climbing machine?

I'm seriously starting to think I'm the one doing something wrong.

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Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"In international news, police in Italy have arrested 10 people for stealing more than $250,000 in fine wine and gourmet cheese. Yes, their motive is they were hosting a book club. When the police caught them, they said the thieves were armed and extremely constipated." -James Corden

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"A new study suggests that not all psychopaths are bad. 'Thank you,' said people who pour the milk in before the cereal." -Seth Meyers





So you want a day off. Let's take a look at what you are asking for:

There are 365 days per year available for work. There are 52 weeks per year in which you already have 2 days off per week, leaving 261 days available for work. Since you spend 16 hours each day away from work, you have used up 170 days, leaving only 91 days available.

You spend 30 minutes each day on coffee break, which counts for 23 days each year, leaving only 68 days available. With a 1 hour lunch each day, you used up another 46 days, leaving only 22 days available for work.

You normally spend 2 days per year on sick leave. This leaves you only 20 days per year available for work. We are off 5 holidays per year, so your available working time is down to 15 days. We generously give 14 days vacation per year, which leaves only 1 day available for work and I'll be darned if you are going to take that day off!

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My ten-month-old was sitting in her high chair, twisting and moving all over the place. My wife who was trying to feed her said to me, "Straighten her up."

I looked at my daughter and said, "What are you doing with your life? Do you want to be this way forever? It's time to grow up and take some responsibility."

My wife hasn't asked me to help with her since.