Subscibe to DEAL OF THE DAY

March 27, 2019

Good Morning Groanies,

I think that imitation anything is just plain goofy. If you don't want the real thing then why in the hell would you want the imitation of that particular thing that you didn't even want in the first place? It doesn't make sense. Whoever came up with marketing imitation crab for sale should be sued for false advertisement because they are really selling you white fish disguised as crab.

Next, who wants crabs in the first place? I sure don't. I never eat anything that makes me automatically think of VD. On a list of things I want crabs would be located at the bottom right next to an invasive prostate exam and watching "The Voice".

And finally, let me just say that I really appreciate your questions. It's great to hear from so many of you. I hope you enjoy reading the Daily Groaner as much as I do writing it.

And before I forget, I don't have a clue why soy milk is considered milk. It doesn't contain ANY milk, but yet the word "MILK" is used. Why don't they just call it what it is, "Imitation Milk"?

Groaningly yours,

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Jokes? Comments? Questions? Email Steve

*-- The Best Costume --*

This guy goes to a costume party with a girl on his back.

"What the heck are you?" asks the host.

"I'm a snail," says the guy.

"But... you have a girl on your back," replies the host.

"Yeah," he says, "that's Michelle!"

*-- Top 10 Old Folks Party Games --*

100 Shopping Spree1. Sag, You're It!

2. Pin the Toupee on the Bald Guy

3. 20 Questions Shouted into your Good Ear

4. Kick the Bucket

5. Red Rover, Red Rover, the Nurse Says Bend Over

6. Doc, Doc Goose

7. Simon Says Something Incoherent

8. Hide and Go Pee

9. Spin the Bottle of Mylanta

10. Musical Recliners

*-- Q and A Quickies --*

Q: Why won't cannibals eat divorced women?

A: They're always bitter.

Q: Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?

A: Ask your Mom.

Q: How do you know when you're really ugly?

A: Dogs hump your leg with their eyes closed.