Subscibe to DEAL OF THE DAY

March 25, 2019

Good Morning Groanies,

99 cent showI used to enjoy going to the doctor, but the older I get the more it has become an unpleasant experience.

I remember when I was a precocious youth my doctor's office was a fun place to be. I enjoyed all of the nifty little devices that the doc had in the exam room. The stethoscope was the best! I even enjoyed all of the tests and procedures like taking your temperature, getting weighed, taking your blood pressure, checking your reflexes, listening to your heart and lungs, and so on. And then after all of that he'd tell you that everything looked good and you're healthy as a horse. Good times, right?

Now, at the age of 38 (and with the mental age of a much much much older gentleman or child, depending on who you ask), I find myself nervous about an approaching doctor's visit. I think it's because as you get older you get to experience more specified tests and procedures that are always "LOOKING" for something. It's like an internal scavenger hunt and they won't let you see the list of obscure items they're searching for. And the older you get it seems that the majority of these sought-after items are believed to be residing in your butt. Like it's a smelly safe deposit box or something.

As a kid, after the doctor examined me I would get a sucker for my troubles. Now, he gives me one of those blow-up doughnut things. Growing up is a pain in the ass!

Groaningly yours,

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Jokes? Comments? Questions? Email Steve

*-- Use Your Imagination --*

A therapist told a woman to use some imagination while making love with her husband to spice things up.

She replied, "You mean like imagine that it's good?"

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*-- Doc, I Can Take It --*

The man told his doctor that he wasn't able to do all the things around the house that he used to do.

When the examination was complete he said, "Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me."

"Well, in plain English, you're just lazy," the doctor replied.

"Okay," the man said. "Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife."

*-- Q and A Quickies --*

Q: What is the noisiest game?

A: Tennis, you can't play it without raising a racket.

Q: What holds the sun up in the sky?

A: Sunbeams.

Q: How did the blonde die ice fishing?

A: She was run over by the Zamboni machine.