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March 13, 2019

Greetings fellow Bizarros:

GadgetsThe zoo is an exciting place. It might not smell very nice, but where else can you mingle with and learn about such a wide diversity of species? Because if a zoo is anything it is educational. Or else why would we capture and lock up a bunch of dumb, innocent animals in an environment that's completely alien to them? It's so you don't have to spend $2,000 and take 2 weeks out of your life to fly to India just to see an elephant. But the animals know they're not supposed to be there and a lot of them are pissed off about it. Which is why you should avoid doing EXACTLY what this woman did at a zoo in Arizona.

A woman who has only been identified by the name 'Leanne' was attacked by a jaguar when she got a little too close to the predator's cage.

In case just looking at the inky black, 140 pound bundle of muscle and teeth wasn't enough, the cat's enclosure is separated from the public by a healthy safety margin and a waist-high fence. But none of this was a deterrent to Leanne who "crossed over the barrier" in order to get a selfie with the animal, according to a statement from the zoo.

One of the female jaguars latched onto her arm, mangling it up pretty good before someone distracted the cat with a plastic water bottle, of all things. Leanne was transported to a local hospital where she was treated for non-life threatening injuries.

"I was in the wrong for leaning over the barrier, but I do think that maybe the zoo should look into moving their fence back," Leanne was reported saying. "I'm not the first, and if they don't move the fence I'm probably not going to be the last," she added.

There was no mention how the photo turned out.


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Ohio Man Goes on Beer-Only Diet for Lent

An Ohio man is taking inspiration from the monks of yesteryear with his unusual Lent fast: Giving up all food and drinks except for beer. And you thought people hundreds of years ago were stupid. Del Hall, who works at the Fifty West brewery in Dayton, said he will not eat or drink anything except beer for all 46 days of Lent. Hall said he was inspired by monks from the 1600s, who would make a special bock beer for Lent. "Being master brewers, they decided they would take a popular style of beer in Germany, bock beer, make it extra hearty and that would be their liquid bread and that's what they call it," Hall told local news. Hall said he is altering the monks' tradition by including all types of beer in his fast. "I've done big challenges but this seems very daunting," Hall said. "So I'm just curious if I'm up to the challenge." Hall is documenting his beer fast on his YouTube channel, where he said he is already starting to see weight loss from the unusual diet.

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Vermont Town Elects Goat Mayor

A Vermont town is hailing the election of its unusual new mayor: A 3-year-old Nubian goat named Lincoln. Town Manager Joe Gunther said he decided to hold an election for an animal mayor of Fair Haven, which does not have a human mayor, as a means of raising money to replace a school playground. Residents were given the chance to nominate their pets for the mayoral office in exchange for a $5 donation toward the playground cause. Lincoln bested the second-place finisher, a dog named Sammie, by only two votes. Gunther said Lincoln will be sworn into office at a Select Board meeting Tuesday. He said she will serve a one-year term with duties including marching in the Memorial Day parade. He said the election turned into an educational opportunity for the town's children. "Originally we did it as a fundraiser to replace the playground behind the school, but it really turned into a small civic lesson for the children. 'Come out and vote. Get involved in the town,'" Gunter told the Burlington Free Press.


LEWIS; OFGS while I make no excuse for the age-11 lad shooting his dad, that Indiana state trooper should've had the smarts to secure that gun instead of just leaving it lying in a car locked or unlocked. We expect cops to wisely always be 100% safe in their handling of firearms. Such carelessness is indeed inexcusable. -R.S.
[You might say he paid for his mistake.]

That guy who died from the dick surgery, I hope he got a

Men are so insecure! That guy threw his life away just because he was embarrassed about the size of his privates! What a waste.
[Yeah. Women never risk surgery to change their appearance because they're lacking somewhere.]