March 11, 2019

Good Morning Groanies,

What time is it? It's daylight savings time! Yay!

Who doesn't love daylight savings time? Oh, wait...ME! My kids get up early enough, but now, and for the next week or so, they'll get up at the crack of dawn and wake me to let me know that they're up and the sun isn't even awake yet.

I need my sleep, especially my beauty sleep. I think it's because I'm ugly. Well, people tell me all the time that I should get some rest and make a scared face when they say it. What else could it be?

I'm gonna have to start drinking more coffee, getting some naps in, constantly wear pajamas, and go to bed earlier than I want because the Daylight Duo are up and at 'em!

Now, if you'll excuse me I have a meeting with Mr. Sandman.

Groaningly yours,
Steve

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Jokes? Comments? Questions? Email Steve

*-- If the Chute Doesn't Open... --*

The skydiving instructor was going through the question and answer period with his new students when one of them asked the usual question, "If our chute doesn't open and the reserve doesn't open, how long do we have before we hit the ground?"

The jump master looked at him very seriously and said, "You have the rest of your life."

*-- Having Fun With Puns --*

- I tried to catch some fog. I mist.

- Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

- A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

- I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.

- I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

- I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I can't put it down.

- They told me I had type A blood, but it was a type-O.

- Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory -- I hope there's no pop quiz.

- The Energizer bunny arrested and charged with battery.

- I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

- Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?

- When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

- What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back four seconds.

- England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

- I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.

- All the toilets in New York 's police stations have been stolen. Cops have nothing to go on.

- Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.

- Velcro - what a rip off!

- Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.

*-- Q and A Quickies --*

Q: Where do mermaids see movies?

A: At the dive-in?


Q: What falls but never hurts itself?

A: Snow.


Q: What's a King's favorite clothing?

A: A reign coat.