Subscribe to CLEAN LAFFS
Subscibe to DEAL OF THE DAY

March 08, 2019

Good morning crew,

Our local St. Patrick's Day Irish parade is this weekend. My little town does this every year and it's pretty popular.

The parade route, through what the locals affectionately refer to as 'downtown', is about 15 blocks and it's lined with bars and restaurants. That really brings out the younger crowd who use the parade as an excuse to cram themselves hock-and-jowl into every building with a beer tap inside and drink themselves silly.

Personally, I like to spend at least some time on the sidewalk with the families and the little kids watching the marching bands and the bagpipers, but unfortunately this year it's forecast to be in the low 40s and drizzling all afternoon, so I may be forced to spend the entire parade inside the bars.

Amore Retinol Moisturizer is called a 'MIRACLE' because it can help diminish signs of aging, uneven skin tone, spots, wrinkles and fine lines. All the while working to reduce the discoloration, acne & sun damage. YES, it does all this! Read more here.

Of course, part of the fun is 'hopping' from bar to bar along the route, so you get to absorb the full spectrum of the local culture, but the veterans (and this will be my fifth parade, so I'm no longer a newbie) like to ensconce themselves in their favorite establishment, preferably within arm's reach of the bar, and enjoy the parade in comfort.

A fairly popular local Irish band will be playing at one of the larger bars, so the wife and I may camp out there for the duration. I already memorized the words to 'Garryowen' so I'll be able to participate in some of the sing-alongs.

Plus, the restaurant right across the street serves a pretty good corned beef and cabbage sandwich.

Laugh it up,


P.S. Did you miss an issue? You can read every issue from the Gophercentral library of newsletters on our exhaustive archives page. Thousands of issues, all of your favorite publications in chronological order. You can read AND comment. Just click GopherArchives

"In the U.K., a group of scientists successfully taught bumblebees how to play soccer. And now, they're trying to get American bumblebees to watch it." -Conan O-Brien


"A 100-year-old Dutch woman recently persuaded local police to arrest her to fulfill an item on her bucket list. Cool story for her, not so much for the victims of her double homicide." -Seth Meyers


"A Florida man was arrested for throwing potato salad at a nail salon. During his arrest, he said, 'I've been drinking and taking Xanax. What do you expect me to do?' Well, not that, although I do sympathize. When I was trying to give up carbs, I once threw a bowl of spaghetti at a karate studio." -James Corden


Gadgets2Two friends meet in the street. The one man looked rather forlorn and down in the mouth. The other man asked, "Hey, how come you look like the whole world caved in?"

The sad fellow said, "Let me tell you. Three weeks ago, an uncle died and left me ten thousand dollars."

"I'm sorry to hear about the death, but a bit of good luck for you, eh?"

"Hold on, I'm just getting started. Two weeks ago, a cousin I never knew kicked the bucket and left me twenty thousand, free and clear."

"Well, you can't be disappointed with that!"

"Yep. But, last week my grandfather passed away. I inherited almost one hundred thousand dollars."

"Incredible... so how come you look so glum?"

"Well, this week... nothing!"

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes

My children have never been thrilled about taking naps, but one day they were putting up more of a fuss than usual. In the middle of the tantrums, a friend called.

"What's all the commotion over there?" she asked.

"Oh, nothing," I said. "Just the siesta resistance."