March 06, 2019

Good morning crew,

Earlier this week the wife rented the movie 'A Star Is Born' with Lady Gaga and that other guy, what's his name, Kris Kristofferson. The movie won an Oscar for most forgettable song written for a movie, or something like that, so the wife was interested in seeing it.

Anyway, she watched it by herself and enjoyed it, so when I got home the other night she suggested I watch it, since it was already paid for. I have never seen any of the other iterations of this movie, but I was willing to give it a try.

For my taste it is a bit slow-paced, and to be honest, a little artsy fartsy. For example, there are entire scenes where the actors just emote at one another. I found very little investment in spending three minutes watching Lady Gaga's face transform from love to disgust to anger and back to love because her boyfriend is an alcoholic.

Plus, and no offense to the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences, but for what is practically a musical I found most of the songs to be bland and forgettable.

But I found a solution to both of those problems. An On Demand rental lets you pause, rewind, and most importantly, fast-forward your movie. So any time the movie started a song or I found the actors staring meaningfully into each other's eyes I just hit the fast-forward button. And believe it or not, I actually found several bits of good acting hidden away here and there.

I also whittled a 2 hour snooze-fest down to a tight and entertaining 45-minutes.

By the way folks, if any of you tried to order the Armor All Bluetooth FM Transmitter & Car Charger I advertised last week and saw it was out-of-stock, I apoloigize, and it is back in stock now.

This little device is the all-in-one solution to connect your vehicle to all of your phone's features. Just plug it into your vehicle's cigarette lighter and you can make and receive safe, hands-free calls, charge devices, or my favorite feature, play any song you can think of from your phone. WELL worth the $14.99.

You can click here for a quick video or for more details.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"Chocolate maker Hershey is reportedly expecting to cut its global workforce by about 15 percent. That's right, for the first time ever, chocolate is giving up people for Lent." -Seth Meyers

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"Scientists have found a way to grow human tissue on apples. Now the only thing left for them to discover is a REASON to grow human tissue on apples." -Conan O-Brien

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"A new study found that babies as young as nine months can tell the difference between friends and enemies. Which raises a lot of questions, like: What kind of babies have enemies?" -Jimmy Fallon

There was a farmer who had many pigs. One day someone came to the farm and asked the farmer, "What do you use to feed your pigs?"

"Well, I give them acorn, corn, vegetable scraps and things like that. Why?"

"Because I am from the Animals Protection Association and I think you don't feed them like you should, they shouldn't eat wastes." Then he fined the farmer.

Some days later, another person arrived and asked the same question. The farmer answered, "Well, I feed them very well. I give them fish, whole grains, hot corn mash and as much fresh fruit and vegetables as I can get my hands on. Why?"

"Because I am from the United Nations Organization and I think it's unfair that you feed your pigs like that when there are people dying with nothing to eat." And he fined the farmer.

Finally, another man came in and asked the same question.

The hesitant farmer answered after a minute of careful thought: "Well, I give five dollars to each pig so they can buy whatever it is they want."

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Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes

Sometimes when I reflect on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed.

Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. The people who produce the bottles. The truck drivers who deliver the beer and the retailers who sell it.

If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered.

Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."