March 04, 2019

Good morning crew,

It was a balmy 0 degrees when I got in my truck this morning, but it has since rocketed up to a toasty 10 degrees. It's hard to imagine that the first day of spring is only 16 days away.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"Researchers are developing a stay-sober pill that will prevent you from getting drunk off of alcohol. It's perfect for the drinker who wants all the calories of alcohol but none of the fun." -Conan O'Brien

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"A new study found that women think men holding a guitar are more attractive, even if they are not playing it. In a related story, guys with an accordion will die alone." -Jimmy Fallon

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"YouTube temporarily pulled a New York zoo's live stream of a giraffe giving birth. A zoo spokesman said that their YouTube cam had been reported as containing nude content. All animals are nude! Every one of them is nude except for your neighbor's dog who has to wear those stupid dog outfits that he clearly hates." -James Corden

***

Pauly walks into a bar and says "Bartender, one round for everyone, on me!" The bartender says, "Well, Pauly, seems you're in a really good mood tonight, eh?"

Pauly says, "Oh, you can bet on it! I just got hired by the city to go around and remove all the money from parking meters. I start on Monday!"

The bartender congratulates the man and proceeds to pour the round.

Monday evening arrives. Pauly comes back into the bar and says, "Bartender, TWO rounds for everyone, on me!"

The bartender says, "Well now! If you're so happy just over having this new job, I can just imagine how happy you'll be when you get your paycheck!"

Pauly looks at the bartender with a confused look on his face, pulls out quite a handful of quarters from his pocket, and says "You mean they'll PAY me on top of it?"

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes

A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on."

The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now."

The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me! Mommy said we came from monkeys."

His father replied, "No, your mother was talking about her side of the family."