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March 01, 2019

Good morning crew,

Sometimes you're just not prepared for honesty. I wasn't when I confronted one of the little kids at the taekwondo school the other afternoon.

I had just started class and the kids knew I was going to start them off with squat thrusts (or burpees as they're sometimes called) or knuckle push-ups or jumping jacks, or more likely all of them, and they were just dreading it.

I said, "Okay, let's start with..." but before I could finish my instruction a young girl (maybe 9 or 10) blurted out, "Let's play dodgeball!"

This is something we do on occasion as a special treat; we divide the kids up on either side of the dojang and let them whip balls at each other. They love it, probably because it is a waste of time, but I still foolishly cling to the idea that the purpose of a martial arts school is to teach martial arts, not dodgeball.

So I stopped and got the attention of the entire class before addressing the girl who had interrupted me. I asked her very simply, "Why are you here?"

The next time you open a bottle of wine, open it with this. You gotta see how this bottle opener works!

I, of course, expected her to say, 'To learn taekwondo,' or something similar, because I already had a lecture in my mind about how the lessons of taekwondo; perseverance, determination and discipline, would last the kids a lifetime if they took them seriously.

But she said nothing of the sort. She immediately answered with, "Because my parents made me come."

And like I said, I wasn't prepared for that kind of honesty. I didn't know what to say.

So we played dodgeball.

Laugh it up,


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"Nintendo is releasing a video game that lets you simulate taking care of a baby. When they heard this, gamers said, 'Hey, call me when you have one that simulates MAKING one.'" -Conan O'Brien


"Today was International Dog Biscuit Appreciation Day. There's a party later tonight, but I heard it's going to be a real snausage fest." -Seth Meyers


"A new study found that most people cant go 10 minutes without lying. But since the study took 20 minutes nobody knows what to believe." -Jimmy Fallon


TO ALL THE KIDS WHO SURVIVED the 50s, 60s and 70s!

First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they carried us.

They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can, and didn't get tested for diabetes.

Then after that trauma, our baby cribs were covered with bright colored lead-based paints.

We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets, not to mention, the risks we took hitchhiking.

As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags.

Riding in the back of a pick up on a warm day was always a special treat.

99 cent showWe drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle.

We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this.

We ate cupcakes, white bread and real butter and drank soda pop with sugar in it, but we weren't overweight because WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!

We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on.

No one was able to reach us all day. And we were O.K.

We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.

We did not have Playstations, Nintendo's, X-boxes, no video games at all, no 99 channels on cable, no video tape movies, no surround sound, no cell phones, no personal computers, no Internet or Internet chat rooms...WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!

We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no lawsuits from these accidents.

We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever.

We were given BB guns for our 10th birthdays, made up games with sticks and tennis balls and although we were told it would happen, we did not put out very many eyes.

We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just walked in and talked to them!

Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!

The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law!

This generation has produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers and inventors ever! The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas.

We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned HOW TO DEAL WITH IT ALL.

And YOU are one of them! CONGRATULATIONS!

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes

A wife asked her husband, "Honey, could you please run to the store and get a carton of milk, and if they have eggs, get a dozen."

A while later the husband returned with a case of quart milk cartons.

Staring incredulously at the 12-pack case of milk, his wife asked, "Why the hell did you buy so much milk?"

Her husband said, "They had eggs."