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March 03, 2019

Greetings Laff Lovers,

Hot DealsI was having lunch with a friend of mine the other day, and right after the meal I stood up and said, "Excuse me, I have to say hello to an old friend. I'll be back in two minutes."

He gave me a quizzical look, "Why on Earth do you have to call an old friend right in the middle of lunch!?"

I stared back at him. "You know, an old friend. My OLDEST friend. The one I've been through a lot of 'ups-and-downs' with..."

Finally the light of realization spread across his face. He gave a chuckle and waved me off.

When I got back to the table he asked me, "How is your old friend?"

"Same as always," I replied. "I told him I was having lunch with you and he asked how your mom was."



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A small West Virginia Wild Animal Park had acquired a very rare species of gorilla. Within a few weeks, the female gorilla became very horny, and difficult to handle. Upon examination, the park veterinarian determined the problem: The gorilla was in heat. To make matters worse, there were no male gorillas of her species available.

While reflecting on their problem, the park administrators noticed Ed, a part-time redneck intern, responsible for cleaning the animals' cages. Ed, like most rednecks, had little sense, but possessed ample ability to satisfy a female of ANY species.

So, the park administrators thought they might have a solution. Ed was approached with a proposition. Would he be willing to have sex with the gorilla for $100?

Ed showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully. The following day, Ed announced that he would accept their offer, but only under three conditions.

"First," he said, "I don't want to have to kiss the gorilla."

"Second, you must never tell anyone about this."

The park administration quickly agreed to these conditions, so they asked what was his third condition.

Ed stated, "You gotta give me another week to come up with the hundred bucks."