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February 20, 2019

Greetings fellow Bizarros:

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I am what you might call a skeptical supporter of the 2nd amendment, for reasons that are best saved for another discussion, but my hesitant belief in the right of the citizenry to keep and bear arms is shaken every time I see a story like this.

The right, and more importantly, the ability to defend one's self, even to the point of deadly force, is a responsibility that must be assumed with a profound understanding of the gravity of the consequences, and should not be used for pettiness, or spite, or because you don't like the kind of hat someone is wearing. Unfortunately, that thinking doesn't apply to a man in Tennessee who pulled a gun on a couple wearing 'Make America Great Again' hats.

57-year-old James Phillips allegedly pulled a gun on a couple wearing the MAGA hats at Sam's Club, threatening, "It's a good day for you to die."

Terry Pierce told local news that he and his wife Cherrie were shopping at Sam's Club when Phillips made an explicit gesture toward them. Cherrie called after Phillips, "Hey did you flip me off?" and he admitted it because of the "hats you've got on."

"Next thing I know, he drew a .40 caliber and stuck it in my face," Terry reported. "He told me, 'This is a good day for you to die.'"

Terry challenged Phillips to either shoot or fight him but Phillips took off with his mother, who was also shopping for groceries. The Pierces followed Phillips into the parking lot, against the wishes of Sam's Club management. Outside, the men argued and Phillips allegedly accused Terry of assault.

The police say security footage doesn't show Phillips revealing his gun because he walked out of view. Once in the parking lot, reads the report, Phillips told Cherrie, "It's a good day to die, b****." However, Phillips told police that the couple yelled at him while he unloaded groceries into his car.

The police report mentions that Phillips carried two extra magazines in his pocket and has a concealed carry permit in Tennessee.

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A Shitty Way to Die

A man is dead after a port-a-potty caught fire in Baltimore, Maryland, fire officials say. Units from the Baltimore City Fire Department were dispatched to the 1100 block of Russell Street where a man on fire was seen coming from a port-a-potty. When fire officials arrived on the scene, three port-a-potties were engulfed in flames. The man was pronounced dead at the scene. The cause of the fire is still unknown.

Divorce in 3, 2, 1...

A Virginia man surprised his wife with a $1 million winning lottery ticket for an early Valentine's day gift. Terry Mudd purchased the ticket after forgetting to pick something up from his grocery shopping list, which he said is a regular occurrence, and scratched it off to find he'd won the game's $1 million top prize. Mudd decided to surprise his wife, Madonna, with the gift as a Valentine's present, but gave it to her earlier in an envelope that read "Terry + Madonna's retirement" after they got into an argument about their finances. The couple elected to take a one-time cash option of $657,030 before taxes instead of receiving the full million dollars over 30 years. They recently purchased an RV and plan to travel across the country when they retire, although neither plans to retire in the near future.


Storing your tobacco in a whale penis?... there's a "Quit Smoking" commercial in there somewhere. Also, the area between a woman's hips and breasts is called a waist because there's room for 2 more pairs of boobs there.
[Are you sure it would be a 'Quit' smoking ad? I'm thinking, "Smoke Lucky Strikes and she'll think you're hung like a whale."]

Get drunk and wake up in a box at the city dump? Sounds like an elaborate prank you friends would pull on you. Was there a penis drawn on her face with a permanent magic marker?
[If you have the kind of friends who would do that to you, you might want to reconsider who you're spending time with.]

So it's illegal to keep a tiger as a pet in the city of Houston, but breaking into unoccupied houses to smoke dope is perfectly fine, huh?