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February 13, 2019

Greetings fellow Bizarros:

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Don't go cheap when it comes to boob jobs. That one should be a no-brainer, but when you are a young woman on a budget who is extremely dissatisfied with her appearance, you might be willing to take a risk, like this woman from Australia did.

The average cost of breast augmentation in Australia is $13,000, so 23-year-old 'Jacqueline' was thrilled to find a discounted price of $6,000. That was five years worth of savings for the young graphic designer, but she was thrilled at the prospect of going from a 34C to a DD. Unfortunately, the bargain basement surgury had an unusual side-effect which made Jacqueline immediately regret her decision.

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After waking up from the surgury Jacqueline discovered that her implants had caused a second bulge under her breast bone creating what looks like four boobs.

The deformity occurs when the implants are placed lower than the breast tissue, and the natural crease line does not disappear creating a 'four breast' appearance.

"I'd wanted a boob job since I was 18 years old," said Jacqueline, "but my excitement turned into a nightmare when I saw them for the first time. It was bizarre and I can't believe the surgeons let me walk out with them like that."

The clinic offered her a free revision surgery, but Jacqueline was afraid they would make her breasts even worse. Probably smart.

It has been five months since her surgury and now Jacqueline is trying to save for a corrective operation, hopefully one from a more qualified doctor.


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From Diving Board to Keyboard

This story makes me want to bang my skull off of something. Who knows what hidden talents I might have. It's not a joke. It is a rare phenomena called Acquired Savant Syndrome, and it is what happened to one Colorado man after he took a deep dive into a shallow pool. Twelve years ago Derek Amato dove into a pool and cracked his head on the bottom. After recovering from the accident, he was at a friend's house when he walked over to the keyboard and suddenly, without ever playing the piano before, he began playing. The trauma to the head unlocked something unique inside Amato's brain. Amato describes black and white squares appear in his mind when he's at the piano. "I just follow what the blocks tell me to do. I do my best to take those notes and put them into playing," said Amato. Amato has written a book about it his experience called 'My Beautiful Disaster.' What's the luck? Think about all of those NFL players who have suffered multiple concussions, and none of them never learned anything.

If The Shoe Fits...

The Canadian mystery foot continues to remain a mystery. Canadian authorities said that they were unable to identify the person whose foot was found last year in a Nike sneaker that washed up on the Vancouver shoreline. The foot is the 15th that has been discovered on the British Columbia shoreline in just over a decade. About half of those feet were eventually identified, belonging to people who either died by accident or committed suicide, but the rest remain a mystery. Andy Watson, spokesperson for the coroner's service, said the agency is "turning to the public for help" after exhausting all "of the available information" that was found at the scene. He insisted that the bizarre trend is not linked to "any sort of suspicious circumstance" and isn't "cause for panic." Sounds like the perfect time to panic, to me.


LEWIS; whatever happened to parents being responsible for pre-school age toddlers? Why would any parent allow a 2-year-old to wander alone in any restaurant game room? Sure, the claw machine should have some means of preventing a small child from crawling into it but responsible parents need to watch where their very young children go in any public place and protect them from any potential dangerous situation. -R.S.
[You're missing all of the opportunities. If the dumb little shit had injured himself the parents could have sued.]

The local pizza arcade in our area has new claw machine that a kid couldn't climb up into. The prizes drop onto a rotating flap that only turns one way. It can't open from below. I haven't heard of any kids trying to do it, at least, not yet. -Chris

You referenced the Guy Ritchie movie 'Snatch' when you introduced your pig story, but what about the 2001 movie Hannibal with Anthony Hopkins and Julianne Moore. A guy actually gets eaten by pigs in that movie.

Lewis, I don't suppose the story mentioned the manufacturer of that thumb drive that survived in frozen seal shit for a year. 'Cause that's the thumb drive I want. Talk about a good commercial.