February 04, 2019
Good Morning Groanies,
With the crazy cold weather that has just pounded the Midwest I got to thinking, 'cause what else am I gonna do, are folks battling the cold with a bit of the ol' baby-making? Oh, yeah!
So when you want to get that party started what are some of the worst responses to that special question: Do You Want To Have Sex?
1. What, with you?
2. Why? What did I do?
3. Only if it's your birthday.
4. Oh, hell froze over?
5. I'm not drunk enough.
7. Trust me, in your case, practice will not make perfect.
8. Why? We just did it last month.
9. Do we have to take our clothes off?
10. Why? We're married.
11. We can't. The dogs will watch us.
12. Well, I do enjoy doing charity work.
13. Can't we just be friends?
14. Well, if we do, what do I get out of it?
15. Can I bring a friend?
16. Do you really need me for that?
17. Sure, I've got a free minute.
18. Sure, I could use a laugh.
19. Please stop, you're embarrassing yourself.
20. Do what you need to do just don't wake me up?
How many of these have you heard?
P.S. Did you miss an issue? You can read every issue from the Gophercentral library of newsletters on our exhaustive archives page. Thousands of issues, all of your favorite publications in chronological order. You can read AND comment. Just click GopherArchives
Jokes? Comments? Questions? Email Steve
*-- Haven't I Seen You Before? --*
"Haven't I seen your face before?" a judge demanded, looking down at the defendant.
"You have, Your Honor," the man answered hopefully. "I gave your son violin lessons last winter."
"Ah, yes," recalled the judge. "Twenty years!"
*-- Highway to Heaven --*
A cop pulls over a carload of nuns.
Cop: "Sister, this is a 65 MPH highway -- why are you going so slow?"
Sister: "Sir, I saw a lot of signs that said 22, not 65."
Cop: "Oh sister, that's not the speed limit, that's the name of the highway you're on!
Sister: Oh! Silly me! Thanks for letting me know. I'll be more careful.
At this point the cop looks in the backseat where the other nuns are shaking and trembling.
Cop: Excuse me, Sister, what's wrong with your friends back there? They're shaking something terrible.
Sister: Oh, we just got off of highway 119.
*-- Q and A Quickies --*
Q: Why does a tiger have stripes?
A: So he won't be spotted.
Q: Why did the farmer call his pig "Ink"?
A: Because it was always running out of the pen.
Q: What do you call cattle with a sense of humor?
A: Laughing stock.
*-- Reader Comments --*
These are indeed, genuine groaners!! Congratulations!!
[Thanks, Robert! I can't cook or change a tire, but I know bad jokes when I hear 'em and tell em'.]