January 31, 2019
Greetings Laff Lovers,
Here are your tax dollars at work. Ok, maybe not yours personally, unless you live in Washington, but I mean tax dollars in general. The District of Columbia has hired a plastic-straw cop. That is; an inspector who goes around and writes tickets for businesses who use plastic straws. Nice work if you can get it.
Washington has become the latest city in a nationwide movement to ban plastic straws. You might think it's ridiculous, but plastic straws are not a friend of the environment. Their thin design makes them too small for most recycling machinery, so they go in the trash and ultimately into waterways.
You know where all that plastic ends up? Being eaten by wildlife. There is that heartbreaking video of a poor sea turtle with a plastic straw jammed up its nose. I know it sounds funny, but you can't watch the video without feeling a little sick to the stomach.
You can watch the video here, but I'm warning you; it's kind of gruesome.
Sea Turtle with Straw up its Nostril
If that makes you never want to use a plastic straw again, I've got a solution for you, Reusable Stainless Steel Straws
It's a set of 4 straws made out of food-grade 304 stainless steel. They'll last basically forever, so you never have to throw away a disposable plastic straw again. The set even comes with a little brush to clean them with, but they're safe to put in the dishwasher.
I know I don't always come off as the most responsible person, but this one seems like a no-brainer. And at $5.99 per set you can afford to get two.
Click here for details or to order your Reusable Stainless Steel Straws
Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in your family at this link: firstname.lastname@example.org
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"Researchers at Cornell University have invented a soft robot hand that can touch fragile items and even sense their shape and texture. When asked what they have used the hand for, researchers said, 'That's not important!'" -Jimmy Fallon
Text from daughter to mom:
"Hello mom, I need your advice. I have some cum stuck in my hair. How do I get it out? Will I have to cut it out?"
Text from mom to daughter:
"Its nice you can send me such a frank text. No, you won't have to cut it out. I've had loads of cum in my hair over the years and it will just wash out."
Daughter back to mom:
"Oh my God, mom... sorry, I meant to spell gum. But what the hell?"
"A NASA scientist has warned that Earth is unprepared for a surprise asteroid hit, and said, 'There's not a hell of a lot we can do about it.' So, ladies and gentlemen, happy holidays!" -Conan O'Brien
Back and forth...back and forth. In and out...in and out. A little to the right...a little to the left. She could feel the sweat on her forehead, between her breasts and trickling down the small of her back.
She was getting near to the end. He was in ecstasy with a huge smile on his face as his wife moved... Forwards then backwards...forward then backward... Again...and again!
Her heart was pounding now...Her face was flushed...She groaned... softly at first, then began to groan louder.
Finally, totally exhausted, she let out a piercing scream, "OK, you smug bastard, so I can't parallel park. You do it!"