January 30, 2019

Good morning crew,

Well, it's the apocalypse here in the Chicagoland area. When I drove to work at 6:30 this morning it was a bone-chilling minus 20 degrees. This is the coldest it has been in this area in 34 years, when the all-time record low of minus 27 was set.

Still, it's not that terrible. I mean, I'm not about to pull the barbecue grill out, but as long as you are wearing a couple layers it's bearable. It's the wind that gets you.

The wind cuts through cotton and wool like it's not even there, and leather just seems to slow it down a bit. But, I'm not planning to spend a lot of time outside today, so as long as the furnace in the house doesn't quit on me we should be fine.

We did have one moment of excitement early this morning. The wife and I were lying in bed when a 'THUMP' woke both of us up.

"What was that?" she asked.

"I don't know," I said.

"Do you think a water pipe burst?"

"God, I hope not," I told her, and got up to make a quick inspection of the house. I didn't see any water leaking anywhere, and the water pressure in the faucets seemed fine, but if a pipe just cracked the evidence might not be immediately apparent.

So I'm really hoping I don't go home this afternoon to find an ice skating pond in the basement.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"A man and his 75-year-old mom survived being lifted out of their home during a tornado by sitting together in a bathtub. The man said the tornado didn't traumatize him but being in a bathtub with his mother did." -Conan O'Brien

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"I've been trying to say 'I love you' more often, starting this morning. I said it to my family before I left the house. And then to my barista. And then to her manager, when the barista complained that one of the customers was making her uncomfortable." -Stephen Colbert

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"According to a recent study, men on dating sites are more popular if they mention dancing or cooking. Because if there's one thing women love, it's a man who can lie." -Seth Meyers

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When our second child was on the way, my wife and I attended a pre-birth class aimed at couples who had already had at least one child. The instructor raised the issue of breaking the news to the older child. It went like this:

"Some parents," she said, "tell the older child, 'We love you so much we decided to bring another child into this family.' But think about that. Ladies, what if your husband came home one day and said, 'Honey, I love you so much I decided to bring home another wife.'"

One of the women spoke up immediately. "Does she cook?"

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes

A co-worker came to work one day wearing shoes that were identical in style, only one was black and the other brown. I quietly pointed this out to him. He smiled and said, "Unusual, aren't they? Believe it or not, I've got another pair just like this at home."