January 23, 2019

Good Morning Groanies,

I've noticed lately that when people are sick in public they tend to forget about common courtesy. It's true. If you're sick just do us all a favor and stay home.

Now I know when we get sick we feel miserable and it's hard to get through normal daily tasks without coughing, sneezing, barfing, sniffing, drooling, nose-blowing, moaning, groaning, or having to visit the bathroom for an emergency evacuation, but can you just have the decency to do all of those horrendous illness related activities the hell away from me or in your own domicile!

When someone gets sick why do they always feel the need to be right up on you to talk to you? Hey, Typhoid Mary, if you have something important to pass my way just email it, call me, or text it on over. Just keep your Outbreak monkeyness out of my area. Thanks.

And if you have to blow your nose every five seconds and you're surrounded by snot riddled tissues that look like they came out of a mucus pinata then stay home. And wash your damn hands for crying out loud.

And if you can't stop sneezing due to allergies and you refuse to take anything to help to tame the violent motion and awful sound that you make because it makes you drowsy, well, do the world a favor and put on your PJs because you going to be unconscious faster than a narcoleptic security guard at the chloroform warehouse.

All I'm saying is just think about the people around you the next time you're feeling under the weather. And if you don't... well, I guess one way or another you're going to wind up in the hospital.

Groaningly yours,
Steve

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Jokes? Comments? Questions? Email Steve

*-- A New Illness --*

A woman calls her boss one morning and tells him that she is staying home because she is not feeling well.

"What's the matter?" he asks.

"I have a case of anal glaucoma," she says in a weak voice.

"What the hell is anal glaucoma?"

"I can't see my ass coming into work today."

*-- I Can't Serve You --*

The number twelve walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a pint of beer.

"Sorry, I can't serve you," states the bartender.

"Why not?!" asks the number twelve with anger showing in its voice.

"You're under 18," replies the bartender.

*-- Q and A Quickies --*

Q: What do snowmen eat for breakfast?

A: Frosted flakes!


Q: Why did cavemen draw pictures of hippopotamuses and rhinoceroses on their walls?

A: Because they couldn't spell their names!


Q: Did you hear about the man who had BO on one side only?

A: He bought Right Guard, but couldn't find any Left Guard!

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