January 17, 2019
Greetings Laff Lovers,
I always knew I was a fucking genius. A professor of Cognitive Science at UC San Diego named Benjamin Bergen recently published a book entitled "What the F: What Swearing Reveals About Our Language, Our Brains, and Ourselves."
In it, this cock-sucker posits that cursing could be linked to higher intelligence.
"It turns out that on average, the ones who swear the most also have the biggest vocabulary overall," Bergen wrote.
He also suggested that, "swearing might be cathartic and can relieve anger and aggression." Which would explain my undiminishable sunny disposition.
How many donkey-dick-sucking sons-of-bitches in my life have written me off as a functionally retarded jerk off? And now mother-fucking science has proven that I'm smarter than all of those pieces of monkey shit.
The next time my wife tells me to watch my mouth I'm gonna tell that cunt to shut her dick-holster while the geniuses are talking.
Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in your family at this link: firstname.lastname@example.org
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"A group of scientists say they have been able to give paralyzed monkeys back the control of their legs using new implants. Monkeys who got their implants were like, 'My eyes are up here.'" -Seth Meyers
"Did you give the prisoner the third degree?" the police sergeant asked the detective.
"Yeah, we browbeat him pretty good," nodded the other. "Asked him every question we could think of."
"And did you get a confession?" asked the sergeant.
"Not exactly," explained the officer. "All he'd say was, 'Yes dear,' and doze off."
"For the first time ever, scientists have created artificial life. The hope is that it can revolutionize healthcare, generate clean energy, become super-intelligent, take over the world, make us all its slaves, etc." -Jimmy Kimmel
A Male Fairy Tale:
Once upon a time, a Prince asked a beautiful Princess, "Will you marry me?"
The Princess said, "No!"
And the Prince lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and dated skinny, long-legged, full-breasted women and hunted and fished and raced cars and went to naked bars and dated ladies half his age and drank whiskey, beer and Captain Morgan and never heard bitching and never paid child support or alimony and dated cheerleaders and kept his house and guns and ate spam and potato chips and beans and blew enormous farts and never got cheated on while he was at work and all his friends and family thought he was friggin' cool as hell and he had tons of money in the bank and left the toilet seat up.