January 16, 2019

Good morning crew,

A guy in the office was complaining that his 29th birthday was coming up.

"I'm gonna be just one year away from 30," he said, "and it's all downhill from there."

"You're crazy," I told him. "Your 30s are great. In fact, I'd have to say I peaked around 33 or 34."

"Oh yeah?" he said.

"Well, it wasn't so much of a peak as it was a gentle hill. More like a ground swell. Let me put it this way, I stopped digging a hole for myself for a couple of years. Either way, it get A LOT worse than turning 30."

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"A dog in Seattle is making news after commuters noticed it had been riding the bus to a local park all by itself. Everyone says the dog is amazing, while the dog said, panicking, 'I gotta find that blind guy. I'm in a lot of trouble if I don't find him." -Jimmy Fallon

***
"A study showed that every hour of TV you watch after the age of 25 shortens your life by 22 minutes. That doesn't sound too bad to me. You'd probably watch TV with that 22 minutes anyway." -Jimmy Kimmel

***
"Police are looking for a woman who stole $3,000 worth of cat-grooming supplies at an airport baggage carousel. Police describe the suspect as 'single.'" -Seth Meyers

***

On my first day working at the gas station, I watched a senior co-worker measure the level of gasoline in the under ground tanks by lowering a giant measuring stick down into them.

"What would happen if I threw a lit match into the hole?"
I joked.

"It would go out," he replied very matter-of-factly.

"Really?" I asked, surprised to hear that. "Is there a lack of oxygen down there or some safety device that would extinguish it before the fumes ignited?"

"No," my co-worker continued. "The force from the explosion would most likely blow it out."

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes

"The thrill is gone from my marriage," Bill told his friend Doug.

"Why not add some intrigue to your life and have an affair?" Doug suggested.

"I just don't think I can do that to my wife."

"Heck, this is a new age we live in, Bill. Go ahead and tell her about it!"

So Bill went home and said, "Dear, I think an affair will bring us closer together."

"Forget it," said his wife. "I've tried it so many times and it's never worked."