January 14, 2019

Good morning crew,

Now that the holidays are officially over and the new year is well underway I need to seriously start thinking about adopting a somewhat more healthy lifestyle.

Toward this end I have resolved to cut back dramatically on both sugar and beer.

Now sugar is easy (or at least easier) because I have never had much of a sweet tooth. All I need to do is be a little more discriminate in my food and beverage choices.

Beer, on the other hand, is a more difficult chestnut to crack, specifically because of some of the peculiar qualities unique to beer.

For example; it is common knowledge that if you split a beer with someone it does not count toward your consumption. In that fashion my wife and I did not drink 8 beers on Sunday because we split all of them.

Plus, if someone buys you a beer, that doesn't count either.

With these factors working against me cutting down on beer just might be an impossible task. Well, can't say I didn't try.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"Later this month, Google will be testing its new self-driving minivans. The vehicles can do all the functions of a human driver, except wonder, 'Christ, how did I end up driving a minivan?'" -Conan O'Brien

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"More than 60 cities around the world celebrated the 16th annual No Pants Subway Ride yesterday. Or as that one guy on your train calls it, 'Sunday.'" -Seth Meyers

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"In Las Vegas, the Consumer Electronics Show is going on. It displays new technology that makes you already hate the TV you bought two weeks ago for Christmas." -Jimmy Kimmel

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Finishing up our work at a trade show in San Diego, my co-worker Maureen and I decided to go sightseeing across the border in Tijuana, Mexico. While there, we went shopping and bought a few pieces of clay kitchenware.

As we crossed back into the United States, a customs official asked if we had anything of value to report.

"Not really," Maureen replied, digging in her bag for the bean crock she had purchased. Everyone around us froze as she continued, "I only bought a little pot."

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes

Metric Conversion Chart

10**12 Microphones = 1 Megaphone
10 cards = 1 decacards
10 rations = 1 decoration
10 millipedes = 1 centipede
8 nickles = 2 paradigms
2000 mockingbirds = two kilomockingbirds
453.6 graham crackers = 1 pound cake
3 1/3 tridents = 1 decadent
10 monologs = 5 dialogues
2 monograms = 1 diagram
2 snake eyes = 1 paradise