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January 09, 2019

Greetings fellow Bizarros:

NEW BestSellersIt's an ancient gag. If you leave a job you are dissatisfied with, or even better, if you are fired under hostile circumstances, the exiting party will take a sh!t in his or her boss's desk drawer. It's probably never happened. It's another urban legend like reveille oil or tent jacks. But one disgruntled teacher in Florida was not put off by any lack of credible precedent. In fact, she took this mythical stunt two steps over the line.

A substitute teacher accused of spreading human feces on tables and grills at a park where a principal was set to host a birthday party told deputies she was "displeased" with how the principal was handling a professional issue.

A Sarasota County Sheriff's Office report says Phillippi Shores Elementary School substitute teacher Heather Carpenter told deputies she spread the feces to disrupt the birthday party Principal Allison Foster had planned for her daughter.

Damage to the park totaled more than $2,300, including grills and tables that had to be replaced. Carpenter, 42, was charged with damaging property and criminal mischief.

Carpenter is pleading not guilty, according to court documents.


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It's Not Easy to Hypnotize Wild Elephants

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A Sri Lankan man apparently read too many Tarzan books when he was a kid because he tried to hypnotize a wild elephant. He wasn't successful. Video footage shows the unnamed man walking up to a wild male elephant grazing in a forest clearing. He then gestures to get the huge animal's attention, after which it begins charging at him. In what is said to have been an attempt to 'hypnotize' the elephant and stop it in its tracks, the man does not run away. The elephant knocks the man to the ground and tramples him to death on the spot. Human interaction with wild elephants is not uncommon in the area as expansion of infrastructure and homes has destroyed the animals natural habitat.

Or... Aliens

A bright fireball that was caught on video breaking into pieces in the sky over New Zealand may have been a Russian satellite, experts said. The fireball, which started as one bright light before breaking into smaller pieces, was recorded by multiple social media users in the sky over Tauranga about 9 p.m. Saturday. Experts including physics professor Richard Easther and Ian Griffin, director of Otago Museum, said evidence indicates the object may have been a Russian satellite. The Kosmos 2430 satellite, which was launched in 2007 to detect missile launches, was expected to reenter the atmosphere around the same time as the fireball was spotted.
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The guy with the gun in his backside... either it was a very small gun or he has a very large backside. Or very possibly both. -Chris
[I guess that depends on how deeply he 'wedged' it in.]

The guy not being charged for the gun up his ass probably has a concealed carry license. Not sure of the caliber but WWII had a gun called the grease gun. That's probably what he had.

Lewis, did the story specify if this Dutch spaceman (hehe - that sounds like something dirty) used a cell phone to make his prank 911 call? I mean, what kind of service is he getting 250 miles up? I live in the middle of a decent sized city and I frequently can't get a signal.
[Sorry, the story did not say what he was using to make the call.]