Subscibe to DEAL OF THE DAY

January 09, 2019

Good Morning Groanies,

NEW BestSellersMy kids told me that I smell. They looked at me and shouted, "You smell, Daddy!"

So, naturally, I took a shower to de-smell-ify myself. I even brushed my teeth and put on some deodorant for good measure, but the boys told me that I still smell.

Again, I was in the shower scrubbing away when it hit me - I don't stink. I smell. They smell my deodorant. That's what it is! So I walked my wrinkly body out of the shower, dressed, and dried... or dried and dressed or however you do it.

After I dressed, yet again, I asked my two boys, "What about me smells?" And without missing a beat they told me, "Your nose!"

I gave them the biggest hugs and took them for ice cream. I was so damn proud. I think they're going to be writing my columns from now on.

Groaningly yours,

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Jokes? Comments? Questions? Email Steve

*-- Isn't He Hideous? --*

Two women were talking at a party, and one said, "Look at that awful-looking man over there... isn't he hideous? I think he must be the most unattractive man I've ever seen in my life!"

"That happens to be my husband!" said the second icily.

"Oh dear," said the first, covered in confusion, "I'm so sorry."

To which the unfortunate wife replied, "YOU'RE sorry?"

*-- Is That A Record? --*

Learn more about RevenueStripe...
A woman meant to call a record store but dialed the wrong number and got a private home instead.

"Do you have 'Eyes of Blue' and 'A Love Supreme'?" she asked.

"Well, no," answered the puzzled homeowner. "But I have a wife and eleven children."

"Is that a record?" she inquired.

"I don't think so," replied the man, "but it's as close as I want to get."

*-- Q and A Quickies --*

Q: Do you know how to make ice water?

A: Take an onion and a knife, cut the onion and your ice water!

Q: What did Ernie say to Burt when asked if he wanted ice cream?

A: Sure-Burt!

Q: Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill?

A: Because it wanted to reach the bottom.

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