December 28, 2018

Good morning crew,

I decided to take a vacation day today. It was either that or lose it, and while I really do enjoy hanging out at the office and pretending like I'm working, I thought a free day might be the perfect opportunity to hit up some of my favorite local micro breweries to do a little drinking in the middle of the day.

Because it's not like there are any opportunities to party coming up in the near future.

I'll fill you in on any stories next week.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"More millennials are looking to get rid of extra piercings and even remove their tattoos. Researchers say it's due to a new phenomenon occurring among millennials called turning 30." -Jimmy Fallon

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"A new study suggests that marriage is more beneficial for men than women. The results of the study were shouted at me through a locked bedroom door." -Seth Meyers

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"A study has confirmed that eating less increases your lifespan. The study goes on to advise the residents of Wisconsin to get their affairs in order." -Conan O'Brien

***

My friend Kimberly announced that she had started a diet to lose some pounds she had put on recently.

"Good!" I exclaimed. "I'm ready to start a diet too. We can be dieting buddies and help each other out. When I feel the urge to go out and get a burger and fries, I'll call you first."

"Great!" she replied. "I'll ride with you."

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes

I was recovering from surgery when a charity representative phoned asking me to take part in a door-to-door fund-raising effort.

"Sorry," I replied, "but I've been incapacitated."

Undaunted, the caller kept trying to convince me to change my mind and volunteer.

I interrupted and said, "I'm incapacitated. Do you know what that means?"

She hesitated. "It means your head was cut off?"