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December 26, 2018

Good Morning Groanies,

After ChristmasI smell funny today so I'm just going to keep things short and sweet. Here are the ten dumbest, goofiest, most ridiculous things I overheard during my many holiday shopping trips.

1. My cart is full of crap!
2. Is this cheese real?
3. I found croutons in a forest this one time.
4. My Uncle Ralph knows that Chef Boyardee guy.
5. I hate "drunk" shopping.
6. Do you think they have that special shampoo?
7. King Size candy bars are just too much for me.
8. Fresh is always better than rotten.
9. We're not fancy enough for 2-ply.
10. Don't you wish they made a crunchier yogurt?

Maybe I need to find a new place to do my shopping next year? But I don't think that it would really do any good.

Groaningly yours,

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*-- I Can't Remember Anything! --*

Patient: Doctor, I have a serious memory problem. I can't remember anything!

Doctor: So, since when did you have this problem?

Patient: What problem?

*-- Getting A Deal On A Flight --*

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In the early 1930's, a farmer and his wife went to a fair. The farmer was fascinated by the airplanes and asked a pilot how much a ride would cost.

"$10 for 3 minutes," replied the pilot. "That's too much," said the farmer.

The pilot thought for a second and then said, "I'll make you a deal. If you and your wife ride for 3 minutes without uttering a sound, the ride will be free. But if you make a sound, you'll have to pay $10."

The farmer and his wife agreed and went for a wild ride. After they landed, the pilot said to the farmer, "I want to congratulate you for not making a sound. You are a brave man."

"Maybe so," said the farmer, "But I gotta tell ya, I almost screamed when my wife fell out."

*-- Q and A Quickies --*

Q: Why did the bacon laugh?

A: Because the egg cracked a yolk!

Q: What do you call a guy who never farts in public?

A: A private tutor.

Q: Why should bowling alleys be quiet?

A: So you can hear a pin drop!