Subscribe to CLEAN LAFFS
Subscibe to DEAL OF THE DAY

December 21, 2018

Good morning crew,

Holiday DealYou know what today is? That's right... it's the first day of Winter. That means tonight is the longest night of the year. The old pagan religions gave a lot of importance to the solstice, probably because after this date the days start to get longer and they wouldn't have had to spend so much time wandering around in the dark wondering if the bear that was about to attack them was one of their relatives reincarnated with a chip on his shoulder.

But to me it just means we're finally on our way back to Summer. Only 25 weeks. And four days until Christmas!

Laugh it up,


P.S. Did you miss an issue? You can read every issue from the Gophercentral library of newsletters on our exhaustive archives page. Thousands of issues, all of your favorite publications in chronological order. You can read AND comment. Just click GopherArchives

Never forget important information again! Record doctor appointments, research notes, homework assignments and more with this handy USB 4GB Flashdrive Audio Recorder! Click here

"Christmas is a strange holiday. It's Jesus' birthday. But Nobody knows Jesus' exact birthday because he refuses to sign up for Facebook." Jimmy Kimmel


"It is officially one week until Christmas. That means if you're a guy, you have six days until you have to start shopping." -Conan O'Brien


"An olive oil bar has opened in Brooklyn. It offers more than 40 different kinds of olive oil. If you'd like to know more, wait until your girlfriend drags you there." -Seth Meyers


Signs and symptoms of inner peace:

Learn more about RevenueStripe...
* A tendency to think and act spontaneously rather than on fears based on past experiences.

* An unmistakable ability to enjoy each moment.

* A loss of interest in judging other people.

* A loss of interest in judging self.

* A loss of interest in interpreting the actions of others.

* A loss of interest in conflict.

* A loss of the ability to worry. (This is a very serious symptom.)

* Frequent, overwhelming episodes of appreciation.

* Contented feelings of connectedness with others and nature.

* Frequent attacks of smiling.

* An increasing tendency to let things happen rather than make them happen.

* An increased susceptibility to the love extended by others as well as the uncontrollable urge to extend it.

WARNING: If you have some or all of the above symptoms, please be advised that your condition of inner peace may be so far advanced as to not be curable. If you are exposed to anyone exhibiting any of these symptoms, remain exposed only at your own risk.

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes

A co-worker was telling us about her sister who was coming to visit her for the holidays. Someone asked how old her sister was, at which she paused, thought for a bit, and then answered, "She's half as old as I am, that's how I always remember."

So someone else (okay, it was me) said, "That's neat, So every year that you age, she only ages half a year?"

My co-worker thought about that, and then said, "Oh, yeah, I guess it only works on even years."