December 12, 2018
Good morning crew,
You know what I hate about the holidays is everything gets so busy. Work is busy, the social obligations pick up, the personal chores and shopping pick up. Both the wife and I had to work part of this weekend last, plus we had two parties to go to and we had to squeeze some shopping in somewhere in there.
I literally just noticed it's Wednesday. If I don't start paying attention I'm going to miss the entire month.
Laugh it up,
P.S. Did you miss an issue? You can read every issue from the Gophercentral library of newsletters on our exhaustive archives page. Thousands of issues, all of your favorite publications in chronological order. You can read AND comment. Just click GopherArchives
Can You Open A Wine Bottle In Seconds?
See How It's Done Here!
"I read about a woman from California who is driving by herself across the country to visit every single Costco in the U.S. So far, she's traveled 2,000 miles - and that was just walking through one Costco." -Jimmy Fallon
"Pope Francis has warned the media to stop spreading false information. Or as the media reported it, 'World's Top Rabbi Says 'Keep Up the Good Work!'" -Conan O'Brien
"Today in 1884, the Washington Monument was completed, and if George Washington were here today to see it he would probably say, 'That looks nothing like me.'" -Seth Meyers
Part of my job as a 911 dispatcher is to interrogate callers who are in various states of panic so I can send the appropriate emergency equipment.
One day a woman called to say that a family member had fallen and needed to go to a hospital. After finding out where she lived and assuring her that the paramedics would arrive shortly, I asked her, "Do you know what caused the fall?"
"No," the woman nervously replied. "What?"
Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes
While doing a crossword puzzle, I asked for my husband's help.
"The word is eight letters long and starts with 'm', and the clue is 'tiresome sameness.'"
"Monogamy," he answered.