December 12, 2018

Good morning crew,

You know what I hate about the holidays is everything gets so busy. Work is busy, the social obligations pick up, the personal chores and shopping pick up. Both the wife and I had to work part of this weekend last, plus we had two parties to go to and we had to squeeze some shopping in somewhere in there.

I literally just noticed it's Wednesday. If I don't start paying attention I'm going to miss the entire month.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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Can You Open A Wine Bottle In Seconds? See How It's Done Here!

"I read about a woman from California who is driving by herself across the country to visit every single Costco in the U.S. So far, she's traveled 2,000 miles - and that was just walking through one Costco." -Jimmy Fallon

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"Pope Francis has warned the media to stop spreading false information. Or as the media reported it, 'World's Top Rabbi Says 'Keep Up the Good Work!'" -Conan O'Brien

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"Today in 1884, the Washington Monument was completed, and if George Washington were here today to see it he would probably say, 'That looks nothing like me.'" -Seth Meyers

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Part of my job as a 911 dispatcher is to interrogate callers who are in various states of panic so I can send the appropriate emergency equipment.

One day a woman called to say that a family member had fallen and needed to go to a hospital. After finding out where she lived and assuring her that the paramedics would arrive shortly, I asked her, "Do you know what caused the fall?"

"No," the woman nervously replied. "What?"

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes

While doing a crossword puzzle, I asked for my husband's help.

"The word is eight letters long and starts with 'm', and the clue is 'tiresome sameness.'"

"Monogamy," he answered.