Subscribe to THE DAILY GROANER
 
Subscibe to DEAL OF THE DAY
 


December 10, 2018

Good Morning Groanies,

stockingsutffI know that Christmas is only fifteen days away, but I have to purge myself of a few things that have been bugging me while I'm doing my holiday shopping. Okay, here we go...

1. When people have to ask how much something is in the 'Dollar Store'. Really?

2. Mindless shoppers blatant disregard for human life and public/private property while looking for a "sweet" parking spot. It's called the "Rules of the Road" - learn 'em!

3. Shoppers having to tell other random shoppers about all of the people on their list and how much they have already purchased and how much more purchasing has to be done. Just shut your face! We know all of those supposed people on your list are actually cats.

4. People who stand over your shoulder, mouth-breathing on you because they want to grab an item that you happen to be in front of, but instead of saying, "excuse me," they continue breathing like a bullmastiff and inching even closer hoping that you'll spontaneously understand their selfish needs and cater to their rude behavior. Back off you creeps! They may have worked in prison, but it doesn't work on me.

5. Shoppers that have to keep telling the unfortunate person shopping with them that they hope so-and-so likes the whatchamacallit that they bought them. It's called a Gift Receipt you loser! RELAX!!!

Oh, I feel so much better now. Well, I have a little more shopping to do, so if you'll excuse me.

Groaningly yours,
Steve


P.S. Did you miss an issue? You can read every issue from the Gophercentral library of newsletters on our exhaustive archives page. Thousands of issues, all of your favorite publications in chronological order. You can read AND comment. Just click GopherArchives

Jokes? Comments? Questions? Email Steve

*-- How Do You Do That? --*

Two deaf men were in a coffee shop discussing their wives.

One signs to the other, "Boy, was my wife mad at me last night! She went on and on and wouldn't stop!"

The other buddy says, "When my wife goes off on me I just don't listen."

"How do you do that?" says the other.

"It's easy! I turn off the light!"

*-- Marriage Decision --*

 
Learn more about RevenueStripe...
A young man was in love with two women and could not decide which of them to marry. Finally, he went to a marriage counselor. The counselor asked, "Please describe your two loves."

"Well, one is a great poet."

"And the other?"

"The other makes delicious pancakes."

"I see. So, you can't decide whether to marry for batter or for verse."


*-- Q and A Quickies --*

Q: What makes a man think about a candlelight dinner?

A: A power failure.


Q: Why did the orange use suntan lotion?

A: It didn't want to peel.


Is the air in your home making you sick? Get the Proven Mold Fighter >>