December 08, 2018

Greetings fellow Bizarros:

I had several roommates when I was a younger man, and I didn't get along with any of them. In my experience roommates are slobs, mooches and deadbeats. But compared with the roommate in today's story, having your food eaten or being late with the rent money every other month seem like mere peccadillos.

I think the first lesson to take away from this story is don't move in with a roommate who owns a shotgun, and the second lesson would be to try to make sure your potential roommate doesn't think he is some kind of vigilante. That way you probably won't end up handcuffed to a chair like in this nightmare scenario.

It started when 45-year-old Jason Dee Maughn of Salt Lake County, Utah, suspected his roommate of assaulting a woman. But instead of going to the police he decided to take the matter into his own hands.

Maughn allegedly held a shotgun to his roommate's head and made the man sit in a chair before handcuffing him. According to the statement of probable cause, Maughn told the victim he could "either be taken to the desert to be killed or Maughn could drive a nail into the victim's penis."

Maughn then allegedly threatened to shoot the victim if he attempted to fight back. After the victim chose the latter option, Maughn allegedly used a rusty hammer to drive a ice pick-like tool through the victim's penis and into a 2x4 board placed under the victim.

The suspect released the man and told him to leave. He sought medical attention at a hospital the following day, police said.

Maughn was charged with first-degree felony aggravated kidnapping, first-degree felony sexual assault, second-degree felony aggravated assault and second-degree felony mayhem.

Bizarrely,
Lewis

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Questions? Comments? Email: lewis@gophercentral.com

Tightrope 'Sitter' Sets New Record

I can't bear to sit still for more than an hour at a time. This high wire stuntman spent 8 hours sitting in a chair balanced on a tightrope in Switzerland to set a new Guinness World Record. Guinness confirmed Freddy Nock earned the record for longest duration chair balancing on a tightrope when he balanced in the seat for 8 hours, 30 minutes and 55 seconds at the Mall of Switzerland in Ebikon. Nock was seen eating and even scooting the chair 98 feet across the tightrope during his attempt. The record attempt was timed to coincide with the mall's first anniversary.

Mom Sends Son to School with Sex Doll

It was an honest mistake. Scottish mother Helen Cox needed an outfit for her five-year-old son Alfie who was going to play a part in the school nativity play. So she went online to buy a shepherd costume and decided to supplement the outfit with a blow-up sheep. What she didn't realize was the sheep was a sex doll designed for perverts who prefer their parners of the woolly persuasion. The school told Alfie to bring the doll home when it was observed to have a hole in its butt as well as red lips and eyelashes. "I just can't believe it. I don't know whether to laugh or cry! How am I going to explain this to his teachers?" Helen said. "He's probably in his room right now stuffing Lego in the hole."

READER COMMENTS

Lewis, before you sound off with this misinformation, you need to go over to Second Chance Chimpanzee Refuge Liberia/Save The Abandoned Chimps on Facebook to see what is being done for these wonderful animals that an AMERICAN research company deserted when they were through with them.
[There's no misinformation. I wrote that they were abandoned by an American research company.]


J Giles recorded a song called Monkey Island. I wonder if it's related. -Scott


A man thought he could hang out with grizzlies ended up as scat. Another thought he could Christianize (if that's a word) ended up as the chief's wall decoration. We need to find a monkey whisperer and send him in with Tupperware party supplies. They probably will have leftovers.

END OF READER COMMENTS