November 29, 2018
Greetings Laff Lovers,
Magilla, our apeman boss, asked me to sit in on a meeting with a guy that was pitching him some kind of new media. Whenever I'm in one of those meetings I do a lot of listening and try to come up with creative ways to incorporate and maximize the idea being pitched. OK, you got me, I actually just sit there trying not to play with my balls.
Anyway, this guy was going on and on and on so much that I blanked out and started wondering what ever happened to the people that lived near the Fukushima nuclear plant that melted down back in 2011. Did the women grow three tits like the hooker in that Arnold Schwarzenegger movie?
I was snapped out of my reverie when I saw Magilla calmly open his drawer and pull out a paper plate taped to a stick with STFU written on it in bold letters.
He may be lacking in the social graces, but I'll say this much about the guy; he knows how to move things along.
Needless to say, the tone of the meeting changed after that.
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Turn Your Backyard into a Tropical Paradise! Get the Solar-Powered Torches Before They're Gone
I don't understand the purpose of the line, "I don't need to drink to have fun." Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and sticks when they've invented the lighter?
If your wife or girlfriend ever asks, 'If I was to arrange a threesome for your birthday, which of my friends would you pick to join in?'
Never give two names.
A woman was in court charged with the attempted murder of her husband.
"But why did you stab him over a hundred times?" asked the judge.
"Oh, your Honor," replied the defendant, "It wasn't my fault. didn't know how to switch off the electric carving knife!"
I recall my first time with a condom, I was 16 or so.
I went in to buy a packet of condoms at the corner pharmacy. There was this beautiful woman assistant behind the counter, and she could see that I was new at it.
She handed me the package and asked if I knew how to wear one.
I honestly answered, "No, this is my first time."
So she unwrapped the package, took one out and rolled it over her index and middle fingers. She cautioned me to make sure it was on tight and secure. I apparently still looked confused. So she looked around the store to see if it was empty. It was empty.
"Just a minute," she said, and walked to the door, and locked it.
Taking my hand, she led me into the back room, unbuttoned her blouse and removed it. She unhooked her bra and laid it aside. "Do these excite you?" She asked.
Well, I was so dumb-struck that all I could do was nod my head. Then she said it was time to slip the condom on.
As I was putting it on, she dropped her skirt, removed her panties and lay down on a desk. "Well, come on," she said, "We don't have much time."
So I climbed on her. It was so wonderful, that unfortunately, I could no longer hold back and KAPOW, I was done within a couple minutes.
She looked down at the mess we made with a bit of a frown. "Did you put that condom on?" she asked.
I said, "I sure did," and held up my two fingers to show her.