November 28, 2018

Good morning crew,

I didn't tell you how my Thanksgiving went. Probably because I'm still repressing it. It wasn't pretty. Thanksgiving day went off fine, but everything leading up to it was a nightmare. The wife and I both had food poisoning.

It was the 'leftover medley' we had Tuesday night. I'm not sure if it was the 2-day-old creamy chicken and rice or the 3-day-old tacos, but by Wednesday morning I knew something wasn't right, and things went downhill from there. I don't think I need to describe what food poisoning is like. The pain was so bad at times it was hard to sit up straight, but I still managed to make it though a whole day at the office.

About 5:30 that night I was standing in the kitchen, bent over in front of the sink and splashing cold water on my face, when the wife walked in the door. One look at her chalky complexion and bent over posture and I knew she was in the same shape I was.

Thank goodness we did all of our shopping Monday and Tuesday nights, because neither one of us was in any shape to leave the house Wednesday night.

With quivering stomachs and shaky limbs, we had to do wash and brine the turkey, rearrange the furniture, and clean the house. Then go to bed on empty stomachs so we could be up at 7 a.m. to get the turkey in the oven and start preparing the rest of the food for 'supper' at 3.

We seriously considered calling the day off and telling everybody they would have to go out for their Thanksgiving meal, but when I got up 6:30 Thursday morning I was able to eat a piece of dry toast without sending my abdomen into violent cramps, so we decided to go for it and do our best.

Like I mentioned earlier, by the time the wife's family started showing up at the house around 3 the table was set and everything was prepared, but the wife and I were completely wiped out. In 48 hours my entire caloric intake had consisted of a piece of toast and a beer (hey, I thought it would settle my stomach). And the wife had even less.

But the turkey was delicious. We didn't keep any leftovers.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"Archeologists investigating an ancient shipwreck in Italy have discovered pills over 2,000 years old. Meanwhile, my mom was like, 'That date is just a recommendation. They're still good.'" -Jimmy Fallon

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"A woman has been charged with filing a false police report after posting that she had been kidnapped on Facebook. People grew suspicious when the woman 'liked' her own kidnapping." -Conan O'Brien

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"Thursday is Thanksgiving. Now's the time to call all your family and apologize to them in advance for all the things you're going to say when you get drunk." -Jimmy Kimmel

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When I was a 20-something college student, I became quite friendly with my study partner, a 64-year-old man, who had returned to school to finish his degree. He confessed, with a wink, that he had once thought more than friendship might be a possibility between us.

"So what changed your mind?" I asked him.

"I went to my doctor and asked if he thought a 40-year age difference between a man and woman was insurmountable. He looked at my chart and said, 'You're interested in someone who's 104?!'"

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes

A man goes into the home improvement store and says, "I'd like to order 5,000 finishing bricks."

"Certainly," says the salesman, "Are they for a garage?"

"No," says the man; "They're for a Bar-B-Q."

"Why do you need so many bricks for a bar-b-q?" asks the salesman.

"Well," says the man, "we live in a 3rd floor flat."