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November 20, 2018

Good Afternoon,

Text PushWell, Thanksgiving is only a few days away. Since that statement is actually accurate I thought it would be in my best interest to make this issue of Mouthpiece 'The 2018 Turkey Day Edition - My Gravy Boat Sprung a Leak' issue.

I've packed this edition with great quotes, two turkey games, and a few things proven to change the course of your Thanksgiving. No, seriously!

So have a Happy Thanksgiving and save me some stuffing...and turkey, gravy, biscuits...why don't you just tell me what time you're eating and I'll see you then.

Mouthing Off,

P.S. Did you miss an issue? You can read every issue from the Gophercentral library of newsletters on our exhaustive archives page. Thousands of issues, all of your favorite publications in chronological order. You can read AND comment. Just click GopherArchives

[m] q u o t e s . o f . t h e . d a y

Learn more about RevenueStripe...
"Reality is a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs."
--Lily Tomlin

"My Grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle."
--Henny Youngman

"Search others for their virtues, thyself for thy vices."
--Benjamin Franklin

[m] What's On the Web?

Turkey Touchdown

From Turkey Touchdown is a great way for kids to celebrate the holiday and practice their math facts. Kids will choose a level of difficulty, and then decide if they'd like to practice addition, subtraction, multiplication, or division. Get 5 math problems correct in a row to kick a field goal.

Visit: Turkey Touchdown

Turkey Run

From No way! You ain't catching me this year! Help the Turkey escape his destiny and avoid becoming dinner. Happy Thanksgiving!

Visit: Turkey Run

[m] b i t s . n . b o b s

*-- Things Proven to Change the Course of Thanksgiving --*

1. During the middle of the meal, turn to mom and say, "See mom, I told you they wouldn't notice that the turkey was four months past its expiration date. You were worried for nothing."

2. When everyone goes around to say what they are thankful for, say, "I'm thankful I didn't get caught" and refuse to say anything more.

3. Load your plate up high, then take it to the kitchen, toss it all in the blender, and take your "shake" back to the table. Announce that it's the new Thanksgiving Weight Loss Shake

4. Prepare a several hour long speech to give when asked about your thankfulness. If necessary, insist that no one leave or eat until you have finished the speech.

5. Bring along old recorded football games and play them when dad's not looking. Make sure it is set to the last two minutes of the game when he comes into the room, turn off the old game, and then turn on the regular TV.

6. Bring a date that only talks about the tragic and abusive conditions known to exist at turkey farms. Request that she bring photos.

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