November 16, 2018

Good morning crew,

After the last issue of Clean Laffs a reader named Bob sent me the following,


"You can use a hammer and a tee shirt to crush the ice, and a paint stirring attachment and an electric drill when making margaritas in a bucket."


Bob, if you need a bucket and an electric drill to make margaritas, then you've got a problem. And I think I can help you solve it. Where are you located? I'll bring a bottle of Patron.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"I think the bottom-line difference between being single and married is this: When you're single you're as happy as you are. When you're married, you can only be as happy as the least happy person in the house." --Tom Hertz

***
My husband was waterskiing when he fell into the river. As the boat circled to pick him up, he noticed a hunter sitting in a duck boat in the reeds. My husband put his hands in the air and joked, "Don't shoot!"

The hunter responded, "Don't quack."

***
I'd never had surgery, and I was nervous. "This is a very simple, noninvasive procedure," the anesthesiologist reassured me. I started to feel better until he continued, "Heck, you have a better chance of dying from the anesthesia than the surgery."

***

Honest Brand Slogans

Hallmark: "When you care enough to give a card mass-produced by a corporation."

Ritz crackers: "Tiny, edible plates."

CliffsNotes: "They're still going to know you didn't read the book."

Gillette: "We're just going to keep adding blades."

ChapStick: "You'll misplace it before the tube's empty."

Hot Pockets: "Every bite is a different temperature."

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes

Traveling down the interstate and needing to use the bathroom, I stopped at a rest area and headed to the restrooms.

I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the other stall saying: 'Hi, how are you?'

I'm not the type to start a conversation in the restroom and I don't know what got into me, but I answered, somewhat embarrassed, 'Doin' just fine.'

And the other person says: 'So what are you up to?'

What kind of question is that? At that point, I'm thinking this is too bizarre so I say: 'Uhhh, I'm like you, just traveling.'

At this point I am just trying to get out as fast as I can when I hear another question. 'Can I come over?'

Ok, this question is just too weird for me but I figured I could just be polite and end the conversation. I tell them 'No, I'm a little busy right now!'

Then I hear the person say nervously... 'Listen, I'll have to call you back. There's an idiot in the other stall who keeps talking to me.'