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November 16, 2018

Good morning crew,

After the last issue of Clean Laffs a reader named Bob sent me the following,


"You can use a hammer and a tee shirt to crush the ice, and a paint stirring attachment and an electric drill when making margaritas in a bucket."


Bob, if you need a bucket and an electric drill to make margaritas, then you've got a problem. And I think I can help you solve it. Where are you located? I'll bring a bottle of Patron.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

P.S. Did you miss an issue? You can read every issue from the Gophercentral library of newsletters on our exhaustive archives page. Thousands of issues, all of your favorite publications in chronological order. You can read AND comment. Just click GopherArchives
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"I think the bottom-line difference between being single and married is this: When you're single you're as happy as you are. When you're married, you can only be as happy as the least happy person in the house." --Tom Hertz

***

My husband was waterskiing when he fell into the river. As the boat circled to pick him up, he noticed a hunter sitting in a duck boat in the reeds. My husband put his hands in the air and joked, "Don't shoot!"

The hunter responded, "Don't quack."

***

I'd never had surgery, and I was nervous. "This is a very simple, noninvasive procedure," the anesthesiologist reassured me. I started to feel better until he continued, "Heck, you have a better chance of dying from the anesthesia than the surgery."

***

Honest Brand Slogans

Pre Black FridayHallmark: "When you care enough to give a card mass-produced by a corporation."

Ritz crackers: "Tiny, edible plates."

CliffsNotes: "They're still going to know you didn't read the book."

Gillette: "We're just going to keep adding blades."

ChapStick: "You'll misplace it before the tube's empty."

Hot Pockets: "Every bite is a different temperature."

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Traveling down the interstate and needing to use the bathroom, I stopped at a rest area and headed to the restrooms.

I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the other stall saying: 'Hi, how are you?'

I'm not the type to start a conversation in the restroom and I don't know what got into me, but I answered, somewhat embarrassed, 'Doin' just fine.'

And the other person says: 'So what are you up to?'

What kind of question is that? At that point, I'm thinking this is too bizarre so I say: 'Uhhh, I'm like you, just traveling.'

At this point I am just trying to get out as fast as I can when I hear another question. 'Can I come over?'

Ok, this question is just too weird for me but I figured I could just be polite and end the conversation. I tell them 'No, I'm a little busy right now!'

Then I hear the person say nervously... 'Listen, I'll have to call you back. There's an idiot in the other stall who keeps talking to me.'