November 14, 2018
Good morning crew,
A couple readers emailed me to express their surprise that it took me so long to figure out the lawnmower trick when cleaning leaves up off the lawn.
In all fairness I have only been in my own house, and doing my own yard work, for four summers now. Before that it was apartments and condos.
And when I was a kid, well, my father had his own approach to lawn maintenance. I can't tell you how many hours I spent squatting on my heels while picking leaves up off the lawn by hand. Not with a rake, but individual leaves. Almost since before I can remember.
I don't want to say Dad was a luddite, but I remember using a 'push' mower back when I was a little kid. I guess Dad just never saw the sense in spending money on a gas-mower while he had a good supply of kids to push that contraption around the yard.
So maybe for me it's hard to think outside the box and embrace all of the advantages technology has to offer. But I'm not too old to learn.
Who knows, there may be some hidden uses for my blender or cordless drill that I have no idea about.
Laugh it up,
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"A new survey found that 46 percent of doctors have used Google or Yahoo to diagnose their patients' symptoms. Yeah, last time I got sick, my doctor was like, 'I'm sorry to tell you this, but you have 'Server Not Responding.'" -Jimmy Fallon
"A recent report shows that pot smokers get into fewer car crashers than drunk people. Then again, it's easier to see what is coming when you're driving at 11 miles an hour." -Conan O'Brien
"The U.S. Postal Service announced yesterday they are expecting this year's holiday season to be their busiest ever and also their slowest ever. That's probably the only business in America that complains about being busy." -Jimmy Kimmel
A young man had just graduated from Harvard and was so excited just thinking about his future.
He gets into a taxi and the driver says, "How are you this fine day?"
"I'm the Class of 2012, just graduated from Harvard and I just can't wait to go out there and see what the world has in store for me."
"Congratulations," said the driver reaching back to shake the young man's hand. "I'm Mitch. Harvard Class of '79."
Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes
A fellow is getting ready to tee-off on the first hole when a second fellow approaches and asks if he can join him. The first says that he usually plays alone but agrees to let the second guy join him.
Both are even after the first couple of holes. The second guy says, "Say, we're about evenly matched, how about we play for five bucks a hole?"
The first fellow says that he usually plays alone and doesn't like to bet but agrees to the terms. Well, the second guy wins the rest of the holes and as they're walking off of the eighteenth hole, and while counting his $80.00, he confesses that he's the pro at a neighboring course and likes to pick on suckers.
The first fellow reveals that he's the Parish Priest at the local Catholic Church to which the second fellow gets all flustered and apologetic and offers to give the Priest back his money. The Priest says, "No, no. You won fair and square and I was foolish to bet with you. You keep your winnings."
The pro says, "Well, is there anything I can do to make it up to you?"
The Priest says, "Well, you could come to Mass on Sunday and make a donation. Then, if you bring your mother and father by after Mass, I'll marry them for you."