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November 12, 2018

Good Morning Groanies,

turkeyclearanceI went to see my doctor the other day. He was glad to see me because I usually have a rather bizarre and complex medical question to ask him during my visits. And this visit was no different.

Once I was weighed and had my blood pressure taken I anxiously awaited my doctor's entrance into the exam room. After eating sixteen cotton balls I heard a knock at the door and then he entered.

"So, what's it today?" he said with a defeated tone in his voice.

"Oh, it's a good one," I said like a giddy child.

He took a deep breath and asked, "It's not about aliens stealing your thoughts to figure out what your favorite favorite member of ABBA is is it?

"No, not this time, Doc."

"So what then?"

I paused and then I let him have it, "Doc, can you make your mind believe that you are physically older than you actually are and then your body begins to age rapidly because your mind makes your body believe that it's old and then you get gray hair overnight and then you want to watch old "Mannix" episodes all of the time and the waistline of your pants starts to move up towards your neck and you tell people to turn their music down and you turn the volume of your TV game shows up really loud and you feel really old?"

After a long breath my doctor looked at me with intense focus and said very calmly, "Yes."

"I KNEW IT!"

Good visit. We'll get to that alien thought-stealing business during my next visit.

Groaningly yours,
Steve


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Jokes? Comments? Questions? Email Steve

*-- Anything For $50 --*

A man is sitting in a bar when a beautiful woman walks up and whispers in his ear, "I'll do anything you want for 50 bucks."

He puts his drink down and starts going through his pockets. He pulls out a ten, two five's, a twenty and ten ones.

He thrusts the wadded up money into the woman's hand and says, "Here...paint my house."

*-- The Tennis Ball --*

 
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While out one morning in the park, a jogger found a brand new tennis ball, and seeing nobody around, he slipped it into the pocket of his shorts.

Later, on his way home, he stopped at a pedestrian crossing, waiting for the lights to change. A girl standing next to him saw the large bulge in his shorts.

"What's that?" she asked, with her eyes gleaming lustfully.

"Tennis ball," came the breathless reply.

"Oh," said the girl sympathetically, "that must be painful, I had tennis elbow once!"

*-- Q and A Quickies --*

Q: Why aren't elephants allowed on beaches?

A: They can't keep their trunks up!


Q: Why does a tiger have stripes?

A: So he won't be spotted.


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