November 05, 2018

Good morning crew,

You know what phrase doesn't mean what it used to? Restaurant quality. That is really a misnomer. Restaurant quality is supposed to be something a little extra special, but in reality, most of the restaurants I go to do not prepare food better than I could make it for myself at home. What I usually go to restaurants for is the convenience.

For example; I could make myself a delicious crispy chicken sandwich if I went to the store, bought an organically raised chicken breast, made a breading with buttermilk, corn flour, fresh eggs, milk, sage, thyme, nutmeg and black pepper, deep fried it in peanut oil, and put it on a garlic toasted ciabatta roll with fresh tomatoes, lettuce and a chilli lime mayonnaise.

But I'm not going to do all that for a lousy chicken sandwich.

Instead, I save myself the three hours of work and go to the corner restaurant and spend $7 for a chicken breast that was probably frozen the night before and served on a soggy bun.

So, what 'restaurant quality' really means is; kind of crappy but convenient.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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A Photon checks into a hotel and the bellhop asks him if he has any luggage. The Photon replies, "No, I'm traveling light."

***
A weasel walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Wow, I've never served a weasel before. What can I get you?"

"Pop," goes the weasel.

***
Remember; Any time you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90 per cent probability you'll get it wrong.

THE MODERN TOOLBOX:

Hammer - In ancient times a hammer was used to inflict pain on ones enemies. Modern hammers are used to inflict pain on oneself.

Screwdriver - The drink ordered at the local bar after you call in a professional repairman to undo the $500 in damage you did while trying to change out a light socket with your handy screwdriver.

Phillips Screwdriver - The bar drink that you order when the damage estimate is over $1,000. Contains twice the vodka.

Pliers - A device used to extend your reach the necessary few inches when you drop a one-of-a-kind screw down behind the new wall it took you two weeks to install.

Multi-Pliers - Contain a handy assortment of sharp and dangerous tools. Best left in its leather sheath and worn on a homeowners belt to increase testosterone levels.

Electronic Stud Finder - An annoying device that never goes off when you point it at yourself.

Halogen Light - A worklight that lights up your backyard with the incandescence of a football stadium, causing you to cast a heavy shadow over the area you're working on so that you need to use a flashlight anyway.

Cordless Drill - A device that lessens your chance of electrocution 90% over a standard plug-in tool.

Cordless Telephone - The handyman's 911.

Air Compressor - A mechanical device similar in principal to harnessing the power of your mother-in-laws nagging complaints and using the resulting airflow to blast old paint off the side of the house.

Chainsaw - Allows you to cut your way out of the shed that you accidentally built completely around yourself.

Vise Grips - A pair of helping hands that doesn't critique the job you're doing or offer advice.

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes

A businessman had a tiring day on the road. He checked into a hotel and, because he was concerned that the dining room might close soon, left his luggage at the front desk and went immediately to eat.

After a leisurely dinner, he reclaimed his luggage and realized that he had forgotten his room number. He went back to the desk and told the clerk on duty, "My name is Henry Davis, can you please tell me what room I am in?"

"Certainly," said the clerk. "You're in the lobby."