October 31, 2018
Good morning crew,
Today is a date of astronomical interest: it's a cross-quarter date, midway between an equinox and a solstice. There are four cross-quarter dates throughout the year, and each is a minor holiday. One is Groundhog Day (Feb. 2nd), another is May Day (May 1st), the third is Lammas Day (Aug. 1st), and the fourth...? Happy Halloween!
Originally called Samhain (pronounced sow-in), it became Hallowmas once the Christians took over the land and tried, rather unsuccessfully, to rid the people of their Pagan practices.
So, folks, just like most holidays, Halloween ends up being a holiday that is supposed to appease the spirits to ensure the village that the crops won't wither and be eaten by the Devils. And knowing those wacky Druids, I bet they sacrificed a few of the villagers to the bonfire just to make sure.
I won't be doing that tonight, but I do need to hustle home so I can pass out antacids and chocolate-flavored laxatives to the little trick-or-treaters.
Laugh it up,
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"In New York, a group of Burger King employees dressed up their restaurant as a McDonald's for Halloween. And in an even crazier stunt, Olive Garden employees dressed up their workplace as an Italian restaurant." -Conan O'Brien
"I miss the days when Halloween was a simple holiday about making ritual sacrifices to evil spirits to ensure a plentiful harvest." -Jimmy Kimmel
"I love it when people dress up their dogs in Halloween costumes. But I don't like it when I tell someone how cute their dog looks, and they're like 'Hey, that's my child.'" -Jimmy Fallon
Wayne, a friend of mine, owns an auto-repair business. One day a woman called to inquire when he could work on her car. "I'm not busy now," he replied. "bring it right in."
A short time later, the woman pulled into the service bay, stopping her small car perfectly over the wide, deep grease pit.
"Wow!" Remarked Wayne. "That's great driving. Your wheels only have a couple of inches to spare on each side of the pit."
She looked blankly at him and asked, "What pit?"
Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes
Two buffalo were standing on the range when a passing tourist said, "Those are the mangiest, scroungiest, most moth-eaten, miserable beasts I have ever seen."
One of the buffalo turned to the other and said, "You know, I think I just heard a discouraging word."